My Aunt Margaret's house

Yesterday, I needed to go to Realtor.com for the Cincinnati area to see if I could find a house style someone was inquiring about on one of the message boards I belonged to.

During my search I came across a listing for my Aunt Margaret's house.
It was like being taken back in time to see it again.

I am named for her and she was a terrific Aunt; she was actually my great-aunt, My Mother's Aunt from her maternal side of the family.


She never had children of her own and she saw to it that we kids were outfitted for Easter and had other things that were a help to my parents while raising 9 kids.

Aunt Margaret died when I was in the second grade but I remember her well. Her loss was profound to my mother and she was a strong influence and was at all the family gatherings of the Mitchell household.

One of the things I remember so well is she was a true German lady and loved her beer! I can picture her at picnic tables in the summer with her longneck bottle of beer and laughing all the time.
To me, as a little girl, she seemed to be tall and large, just as you'd expect a matronly German woman to be. She wore flowered dresses.I don't recall her ever in one that wasn't.

I always joke about being named after her; her name was Margaret Mary Aufderheide. I am so glad they named me Margaret Mary and not Aufderheide!

She had her beloved dog, Trixie with her everywhere. I think Trixie must have been a Jack Russel terrier or close to that breed.

When I saw the picture of Aunt Margaret's house I went back in time and remembered how the house always had a unique odor that I associated with Aunt Margaret. I would later learn that smell was flea powder but I didn't know it at the time.

The layout of the house was odd. As you entered from the porch you were in the upstairs and the front room and bedroom were on that level.
You went down some stairs to the kitchen and bath and it always had a musty smell that I just associated with the house. Now, I know there was probably always standing water somewhere down there maybe leaking from a pipe or the hot water heater.
The downstairs was painted concrete as I recall and was always cold.

Its funny I don't recall a lot of Aunt Margaret's furnishings which tells me it must have been functional and practical, not Better Homes and Gardens.

During the time I lived in Dayton with Dan and Jennie my sister Mary presented me with an envelope;on the outside was written in someone's hand "For Loraine, to be opened upon my death".

It was Aunt Margaret's will, written in her own hand willing all her possesions to my Mother, the largest being this little humble home.

My sister Pat and her husband resided there for awhile at the time my oldest neice Laura was born.
I remember babysitting Laura as a newborn infant and discovering her hands and feet were peeling.
I was barely 9 years old and really knew little about newborn infants at the time.
I was convinced I was killing her and grabbed her up and ran across the street to the backside of the park and up the hill towards my Mother's home.

I was panicked and distraught, crying, apologizing for whatever I had done and just wanted her to live.
My Mother then explained that Laura was way overdue and overdue babies just peeled at the joints.

Babysitting Laura in that house is my last memories of being inside that house.
I don't recall how long it was after that when apparently my parents sold the house; I just remember it not being a long time.

Finding that listing was like receiving a gift. How appropriate at this time of year.
Aunt Margaret played a large part in our early years in seeing we had nice Christmases and other holidays.

I think of her often and always remember her at this time of year.
Maybe she just wanted me to know she was also thinking of me!

shuttle returns to space

It was truly awesome to watch all the footage this morning of the shuttle returning to flight.
I remember hearing when Columbia was lost.I was living with Dan and the family in Dayton and I couldn't believe it had made it almost back to earth; so close but still so dangerous.
Over the beloved State of Texas, up in the farmlands of the Piney Woods of deep east TX laid the strewn wreckage.
I had visited the area not just a few months before.
Such a typical American hometown place of lots of little towns, one turning into the next only distinguished by the road signs.Just an ordinary place that such an extraordinary event would happen.
These people where like my neighbors.I had lived in the Houston area for 25 years and NASA was part of the community as any big business is in any town.Its one of the things that distinguishes Houston from the rest of the world.Its howthe name "Astros" came about and other words we use now in our lives that we don't give a second thought to.Asrtroturf, Astrodome.Yes, Houston was " Space City, USA" and family members were in mourning and I couldn't go home for the funeral.
I stood on that porch and figured out a way to lower the American Flag to half staff even thoughit wasn't made that way and in the cool breeze just stared south on that hilltop towards Wright-Patterson AFB.
Many times i had watched military aircraft fly over to and from the base, even Presidential aircraft but it was eerily silent just at that time.
Just the flag whip[ping in the wind, some leaves rusting around on the ground and my thoughts clamoring to be heard inside my head, each reaching out to as if to say " don't forget about me".
I remember as a young girl when John Glenn first orbited the earth and what a thrill it was.How proud I was to be American and a Buckeye.
Then Neil Armstrong walked on the moon and Dan's dad and I watched it on TV;again a proud moment for Americans and Buckeyes.
We used to travel through Wapokonetta when Dan was an infant and stopped for a drink.He would just laugh and laugh at the very mention of the word Wapokonetta". It became a family joke.
I was helping a very sick friend when Challenger had its disaster.Neither of us could believe it was true.
How could this happen?A schoolteacher was on board.Family as well as the rest of the world were watching.
Then that morning as Columbia was reentering the atmosphere minutes from touchdown family watched the horror again.
We had become complacent.The shuttle lost its ability to awe us by that point.It became routine.We took it for granted.
I heard someone say the mood at NASA has changed because of this so maybe there is a benefit to it.
I hope we always stay awestruck at something so magnificent as this hunk of metal propelled towars the heavens and its work is to discover new things about the world we live in.
When I was young I used to think the whole space program was a big bunch of goobly glop but as I grew up I began to understand the value in it.
As Dan's dad would say " isn't science wonderful"?
So to the men and women who work together around the country to to pull something like this off you have restored faith back into something that was dying off.
All of are to be commended.from the janitorial staff to the leaders and the asronauts themselves congralulations on a job well done.

haven't I been down this road?It looks so familiar to me.

I haven't posted for awhile.I haven't felt well for weeks; thats some of it.
I have also been battling a huge migraine for days that has all teh symptoms they manifest.
I don't know if its related to the extreme heat we are having(as well as the rest of the country) and we don't have AC.Or is it stress?
Me, stress, now there's a thought!
Things have really deteriorated here between Bob and myself.
Oh, he is still very kind in most ways but there is a strain now that hadn't been there.
I discovered quite by accident ( isn't God good) that almost all of what he told me while I was in TX was not true.
Kind of funny since he is the one who made honesty an issue; our mantra. Shortly after i arrived the lies began to unravel as they do.
He was still involved with someone up to my arriving here;when she found out about me she went ballistic.Kind of ironic because she was married.They pulled it off because she lived in another state and they had met a few times half way in between.Yhey had been engaged before he went into the Navy and i guess they wanted to see if they had missed something.
regardless, he knew from the first conversation we had I would never be part of a triangle.
It gets better.He had been in a long term relationship for many years that supposedly ended 10 years before.Over time I discovered they are still talking on the phone, having dinner and who knows what else.
Very suspicious.She wasn't told he was involved with someone or that I was here for over 3 months after I arrived.
He has discussed me with her.He did not have my permission to do so and vilated a boundary.
The disorganization and mess in this house is incredible.It was purported that i would come here and all i needed to get this job done would be at my disposal.
That has not been the case.
If he wants or needs to live this way thats fine but he knows I don't and won't so there is a stalemate.I was very clear while I was in TX as to how I lived. I was very clear when i visited here last September.
I am embarrased as to the condition of this house and that I live here this way.
I am someone who needs color, design and joy reflected back at me in my surroundings.I was so very clear on that.
As time went by i'd catch more and more slip ups.
He drinks wine excessively and if I was still codepandant i'd take him on as a cause.Not now.I'm so past that.
He doesn't get loud or obnoxious; he sleeps.
He does what my Dad used to do to my mother and thats the silent treatment.
It is so counterproductive.
He finally admitted that all he really wanted was a maid and cook.That may have been ok had it been discussed with me ahead of time.I doubt it.
But to go a year talking to someone everyday for hours and never bring out truth is more than I want to deal with.
I am alone here about 12 hours a day which has actually given me time to really think about how I ended up here in this situation.
I still am waiting for news on the finalization of the SSD case. I still don't like that I may not have control over my own money but can see the wisdom of the courts because of my history to do it that way.
I think I've decided when all is said and done to go back to Ohio.
I couldn't live here even if I wanted to; its so overpriced.
I really love TX but there is no reason to be there now.
I have my son, daughter-in-law and grandaughter in Ohio as well as my only sister who speaks to me.In fact, we are the only siblings of us 9 who speak at all.
I won't like the winter but I'll try not to complain.
I would be returning to my hometown;some of it has changed drastically and some is still the way it was.
I am looking forward to being on my won again.
I haven't had my own home for quite awhile.
I really enjoyed being with Dan,Jennie and Keisha in Dayton but they have their place now and its best I do too.We can visit a lot and I will be available to help with Keisha when needed.
If possible i am going to give myself an extra bedroom to be used as an office/ guest room/ craft room.Why? I just want to thats all and I figure when you get this age you should give yourself what you want when you can.
I want to have family dinners at my house again and have my grandaughter and neice spend the night giggling in the next room.
I want to hide Christmas presents from Keisha that she may find in her own house.
I want to pick her up and go for an ice cream cone and she can confide secrets to me and me to her!
I want to be the sagey matriarch who imparts the wisdom she has accumulated and shares the recipes and tells the stories of those who lived ahead of us so they can continue to be told after us.
I want to be there to look the guy over when Keisha goes on her first date. I know how guys can be; they aren't going to get over on me with my granddaughter!
Do I regret coming here? Not really. I regret that someone chose to be dishonest because it makes him a sad person.
Do I feel any obligation to him? No.
Will we remain friendly? Maybe only time will tell.
Will I ever be involved with someone else.
Who knows?
I wasn't looking when Bob came into my life and I'm not looking now.
I don't need a man in my life today. However, I do need me in my life today.
Its been a challenge to go through all this unmedicated.Don't everunderestimate the power of prayer.
Maybe someday there will be a someone I can share something with but thats not my focus now.
I will be mighty skeptical in the future.Coming off the heels of suppossed honesty will be a tough act to follow.
I don't think I will signing up for any dating service anytime soon.
This past couple of years has been a training ground for me to be on my own and to be happy about it.
So some may say well he wasn't an abuser. Think again. The characteristics were there just more benevolent.
Control is control no matter how pretty a bow you put on it.
He is a good person who makes some bad choices.
And i've made my share of incorrect choices.
I think maybe its time to go back to my hometown and start all over again with all the knowledge I have gained since I left.

update

Bob carpooled yesterday so I used the truck to venture out to my local Safeway.
I had this creepy feeling the old neighbor was in the next aisle watching me. She only moved about 5 minutes away.
If any of you have followed me from the begining with this blog you will remember my adventures from the days of going to the mental health clinic in Dayton.
She would give some of those people the creeps.
She is about 4ft 10in and has no teeth.
She wants to be called Dusty but I call her Dot as her name is Dorothy.
She doesn't know that I call her that; its a joke between me and Bob from the Tx days. She would come over and annoy him before I got here.
I said she had the hots for him and started calling her " Dot". It stuck and a couple of times he accidentally has called her that to her face. Kind of funny.
She wanted us to help her move but gosh wewere always busy.
She dresses interstingly and I have found clothes in the garage she had put there for me. She wanted to share. As nice as that is our styles are not the same.
She lives in a house that I guess is like a halfway place for drug offenders.
It is supposed to be drug free.
She disclosed to me that Margaret, her house mother,( not me) didn't know she had a stash of hash.
She is also wanted in another county for embezellment. So you can get the picture that I really wanted to keep my distance.
She asked me one day if I would like an item for the kitchen that she was going to be getting rid of. I told her I probably didn't need it. She said she would get it shortly. I later discovered she was absconding it from a pile of trash a neighbor around the corner had thrown out!
Please God, can't I have just one normal friend?
I promise; I will be a good steward of the friendship.
Under unrelated news- read an article online this morning that a study was done on 36 people to test the way we react to smell. 3 groups divided into 12 people. One group was homeosexual; one heterosexual female and one heterosexual male.
It appears we women are not turned on by the smell of other females if we are straight; males are not turned on by other males if they are straight; males were turned on by the smell of other males if they were gay but not turned on by female smells; lesbians were not turned on by gay men.
So I don't know what the point of this study was but I wish I could have been a part of this.
I would have loved to say " this stinksand gotten away with it.
I guess maybe there will be a new line of designer frangrances out by the holiday season. Instead of having to know which ear to put your earing in you can identify yourself by your odor!
And, the catchy thing about that is you won't be hit upon by anyone who isn't of your persuasion.
I'm excited about this new development.
But what do you do if someone winks and its obvious they aren't who you would be looking for?
I guess I could just explain I'm a Virgo and that should take care of it!
Any Scorpios could have a problem because we know what they say about Scorpios!
And to all who know how computer savvy I'm not it only took me 71/2 hours yesterday to determine that microsoft did not recognize my modem.
I thought whats up with this? Its the same one I had from the begining. It didn't get a new hairstyle or color or change makeup for the spring. Whats up with that?
Someday, by the time my granddaughters grow up I may have mastered this thing.

And Now for This Update

Hello, this is Dan, Margie's son, reporting from the Dayton outpost of her blog Me, Myself, and I.

Last night our family called my mom to wish her Happy Valentine's Day greetings and to catch up. Late last year she moved to California to be with her friend Bob, and things seem to be going well.

They don't have a computer, which, in effect, means that she's not been able to get online at all. She's asked me to post an update here and to check her e-mail - to clean out her inbox.

Her SSI hearing has been moved from Texas to California, and it's coming up within the next month, so keep her in your prayers. It sounds like it's her versus the entire state in order to get any disability benefits.

That's all for now. To keep track of what's going on in my life, head over to my blog, "Journey Inside My Mind".

Make it a great day!

Hiya! Dan here. I thought I'd post somewhat of an update on Mom. She's been working at a Tex-Mex restaurant she used to work at before she moved up to Ohio in 2002. She's also found someone with whom she's had a lot of conversations. I'll have to let her talk to you more about that.

There is a lot of drama going on in my family down in Texas, to be sure. For those that don't know, I have my mom, former stepdad, step-brother, and half sister. My half brother is stationed in the Navy somewhere near the Persian Gulf right now. I still consider them family. I've always thought of them as brothers and sisters, really.

Anyhow, I should let Mom elaborate more about what's been going on. She's been more close to the situation than I am. And I know that Mom will post when she gets a chance.

Signing off from Dayton, Ohio USA...

Guest blogging for Mom

Hi to all regular, occasional, and new visitors to "Me, Myself, and I," the personal weblog of Margaret, aka Maggie and aka Margie. I call her Mom, and my daughter calls her Nana.

This is, of course, Margie's son, Dan, guest-blogging for Mom for the next several weeks or so. I maintain this blog, along with several others: head over to my homepage for more information, if you feel so inclined.

Mom reported in to us (we live in what you might call the "Dayton, Ohio USA field office") about a week or so ago. She wanted me to let everyone know that she's okay.

She found out that the "thief," whom she mentioned in previous posts, had been staying in the room next to hers. Fortunately, she was to leave the place the next day. Mom also brought the Ken doll and has found it to be significant in her therapy; i.e., a great way to take out aggression, etc. I'm sure you know what she means.

Last week, when she called, she got to talk with all of us: Keisha, my wife Jennie, and I. We made sure that Keisha got to talk to her Nana, because both of them miss each other dearly.

As you can expect, it is hard to share everything that's going on or has gone on in such a brief conversation, whether it be on the phone or a sporadic blog post such as this one.

Nevertheless, you have to try, huh?

More to come soon...

This has been Dan, Margie's son, reporting from the Dayton, Ohio USA field office of "Me, Myself, and I." Until next time... Make it a great day!

The last 24 hours have been amzing.
First of all there are several Christian women here and we have been praying for our situations and that Satan be bound in our lives and those that would oppress us.
One of the ladies has a daughter who has a gift and she told her mother awhile back that there were " witches " here.
We found out that in fact there are some here. It was admitted at a support group.
I believe since we are Americans we all have the right to follow what each of us believes to be Truth however as a Christian I also know that there is only one true God and He shed His blood on the cross and rose again from the dead for our salvation. He paid the price so that we wouldn't have to be oppressed or live in fear. In the Bible it says ALL good and perfect things come to us from God.And, it also says that Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy.
It is my duty to profess what I know to be truth.
Last night one of the women noticed sticks placed around her car in the fashion of a spell. She knows this to be true because her abuser practiced witch craft and she has studied intensely on it.
She and I decided we would pray over her car and family. Well, before it was all said and done we ended up having a prayer meeting in my room for about an hour.
I'm telling you God was in this house and and The Holy Spirit was here.
During the prayer time one of the girls came in and wanted to be saved.
Wait, it gets better.
A little later one of the others shared that she was in mortal fear of her abuser and had been threatened with murder if she followed through with her protective order.
She had a cousin who was murdered at the courthouse alomg with her grandmother when she went to court.
So we stayed with her for an hour witnessing. She admitted she is angry with God for her situation.
Another one woke up this morning with a health issue and I asked if she would like me to pray with her for healing; she did.
We had decided last night we would hold church here in the dining room after breakfast.
All but one woman came and she is in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy and didn't get up in time.
The last witch who was the most activly practicing came to our service and asked to be saved and was slain in the spirit as we prayed over her for deliverance. You could just feel God through His Spirit working in her.
The lady took the two that were saved immediately to a church.
Ironically, we are having some trouble with a staff person today on issues that were never an issue until today.
That's OK we are in prayer for her too.
Isn't God great?
I can't imagine going through all the strife in my life without Jesus.
Here we are in a battered women's shelter and He is with us through one of the darkest times in our lives.
I turned in all my paperwork Friday for my 14 day extension. I was able to get a doctor's note as I was requested to do. Then I was told it may not be good enough.
I told the staff person who professes to be a strong Christian that I had obtained everything they wanted as they wanted and if it wasn't enough God was in control and I had peace with it.
If I am meant to no longer be here I know He has another place for me.
I did get 3 prscriptions
however have yet to get them filled.
A roomate who was exited had stolen my money so I had to contact a family member to bring me some money. I should be able to get them filled.
The doc and I puzzled over which prescriptions to get because I am limited to three.
We finally decided on the Remeron for sleep and the Topamax and Lexapro. I can use over the counter pain reliever. He said my stomach doesn't sound good though from all the Ibuprofen I have taken.
Again, God is good. This doc was compassionate and understanding of my situation.
I still like the one I had in Ohio better but I would have lost her at the end of the year anyway. She was completing residency and moving to another state.
So that is the update on me so far today.
I am in the Houston area and today is Super Bowl so the city is buzzing with all the activity.
We may try to put on our version of a Super Bowl part later.
Last year I remember Jennie made hot wings and we had a beer. It was really nice.
I keep up with the paper from Dayton and they have had some nasty weather this wek.
I miss my kids and Keisha but I sure don't miss the nasty weather.
So keep me and the others in your prayers.

Where is she?

This is Dan, Margie's son, here. Regular readers will no doubt feel a bit jealous as I write this. I am able to keep in touch with my mom every day if I wanted to. Oscar has unlimited long distance from his phone, so all I have to do is make a quick call, and then my mom will call me back, and we can talk for an hour if we want to.

It's been over a month since the last post to this blog, so I thought I'd provide an update to the best of my ability. This means that it's going to be presented in a stream of consciousness, "as-thoughts-present-themselves" fashion.

We in Dayton still miss her terribly; Keisha prays for her Nana almost every day.

Mom and Oscar have been trying to get their computer fixed, virus-free, bug-free, etc. There have been some calls between them and me, them and their DSL provider, and so on. I'm happy to help where I can.

The car they'd been using broke down a few weeks ago. They watch Christian television (TBN?), and they no longer have cable.

Mom is glad that she got refills of her medication before she moved back, and I believe she has an appointment with a clinic next month.

I've become more aware of weather systems moving in and out here in Dayton, and I think of how my mom would be feeling if she'd still be living here. I definitely hope that the climate in Texas is better suited to her fibromyalgia and arthritis.

This morning I mentioned on my blog about encouragement. Mom has been a balcony person to me for as long as I can remember. Even though she's over a thousand miles away now, she still encourages me.

So, I don't know when she'll post here again, but I wanted to provide a brief update. What's new with you?

Houston gets the Superbowl


I was reading the Houston Chronicle online this morning and saw that Houston is hosting the Super Bowl next year. i wasn't sure they hasd it before I moved. The article stated that Houston needs to landscape because it is ugly.
I wouldn't have said its ugly, however, I would say it was drab.
There is no zoning so there are " gentleman's clubs " near shopping centers and churches, etc.
There is a lot of greenspace. In The Woodland where I lived they landscape all medians, etc. with wildflowers. It is so beautiful especially in the sprigtime when the bluebnonnets are in bloom.
It is something all communities could do. The Woodlands is a master planned community and the premise is that you do not see buildings from the road. They cut down as few trees as possible and promote landscaping with native plantings. These survive the elements better than hybrid plantings. All signing is done in wood or stone.
It is a real lovely hometown. If you ever have a chance to visit I would encourage you to do so.

Speaking of towns, Dayton is hosting the biggest air show this weekend. It is bigger and better to celebrate the 100th anniversary of Flight.
There are activities planned all over town. Dayton is the birthplace of Flight; Kitty Hawk, NC would disagree. That is where the actual flight took place but Dayton is where Flight was conceived and drawn up.
In December, Kitty Hawk will do their celebration.
Yesterday, we had Keisha's birthday part. The kids had a ton of fun. Jennie is so creative. Keisha wanted a " Spy Kids " party. Jennie thought up the idea to make it a movie theater part.
The kids were issued tickets she printed on the computer for admission to the house. They set up chairs " movie theater " style and the furniture was rearranged to accomodate the chairs and dining table was used as a concession stand. There was popcorn, hot dogs, nachos and candy and soda, iced tea and lemonade to drink.
Each child had their own plate, bowl and cup with their name on it to take home. And, Keisha gave all her guests sunglasses as a thank you gift.
I spent the day visiting with my sister. We don't get to visit often so we always have a lot to say.
I wanted to find out about their new adopted daughter.
What a story. She had been severly abused and their are behavioral problems on account of it.
She refuses to call my sister, " Mommy ". She calls her Mary which infuriates us. She told her she would never call her Mommy.
She is only now begining to learn empathy.
My heart goes out to her because I can emphathise with her pain. Anyone who has lived through abuse will tell you it is something you battle with all your life.
I think people who abuse kids should be locked away forever.
I have the tendency to be overprotective of my loved ones because of it.
I am vigilent about issues that may put them in harm's way.
I drive them crazy. I'm sorry but that is just how I am.

Wow, it's Thursday already. They say the older you get the faster time goes. I suppose I have turned into " one of them. "
You know who I'm talking about. Them; those old people you observed while growing up. You swore you would NEVER be one of them but what did you know when you were 8 or 12 or even 25?
It slips up slowly. The eyes start playing tricks on you. I think that is how it starts. Then the joints start acting up. Before long you put on those extra pounds because you don't move around like you used to. Then the gray hairs slip in. One day you don't hear as well as you used to either.
Recently, I saw myself ( not me or I!) passing by the mirror; I suddenly stopped. I was HER. I had turned into my mother!
That isn't a bad thing. I loved my mother. I just didn't want to be her.
What happened to the svelte 25 year old that could get away wearing mini- skirts? Or the 32 year old that could clean the whole house all day, do 8 loads of laundry and still have supper on the table by 5:00.
When did she disappear and my mother took over my body?
It's not the end of the world. It is strictly an observation.

One of the neat things when I was hyper-manic was that I could do so many things at once. I was the one anyone else called on to get things done.Plus, I was supermom and superwife. Sometimes I am tempted to go off my medication just to be " her " again for awhile. I don't go off it because I understand thre consequences.
It is a real problem for bipolars to stay on medication. I wonder if sometimes it isn't that we just grieve for what we perceive as the " good, old days".
They really weren't all that good if we look at the whole picture. That is another problem we don't always think it all the way out.

Tomorrow, Dan, Keisha and I ( not myself or me! ) are going to see the President speak. Dayton is celebrating 100 years of Flight. I wrote about this in an earlier blog.
President Bush will come in around noon to speak about the celebration.
Having lived in Texas and the Houston area I am intrigued by the Bush's. President Bush was my Govenor before he was my President.
I may not agree with all the policy of the administration however I am proud that he abd Laura have brought back the dignity to the office. I know the family is a prayerful family as well as just being a large family and all that comes from it.
*I'm sure the twins got a " what for" from MOm and Dad as well as Gampy and most asuredly from Gammy.

I am looking forward to Sunday when I will see some of my siblings and their children. I haven't seen them in 9 years. We are supposed to have good weather.

I received a mailing from Mary's Hope today. There is powerful messages and encouragement for those of us who are survivors of sexual abuse. I encourage anyone who has this experience to chech out their site.maryshope.org I have personally met with Diane and Sherry and they are led by God in this ministry.
The concept of spiritual healing from this abuse is so crucial.
I have written on this before and will continue to do so. I will repeat to anyone who survived this abuse, "its not YOUR sin".
You don't own it and God is there for you.
Why did you have to experience this? I don't know. I only can tell you that you aren't alone. I believe you.

Well I am switched over to the new Blogger version. It appears to be user friendly which is important to the non-computer geeks like me!

I have had some encoraging E-mails and comments from Other FMily.
I appreciate those a lot. It helps to know you aren't isolated.
You all may know but I didn't about an organization called fibrohugs I found online. ( ww.fibrohugs.com )
It has a checklist and there were even more symptoms I had that I didn't associate with this illness.
If you haven't checked it out try it.
There was a letter I read to healthy people that hit the nail on the head.

Keisha likes to come and tell me about her dreams. Its really her using her imagination.
She will make up some of the darndest stories. She reminds me of her Uncle PJ when he was that age. He would make up some humdingers.
She really likes to tell stories about my kids when they were small or even stories about me and my 8 siblings.
Once in awhile I'll make up a story and she likes those to. I ususally try to incorporate a moral to it.

Dan and Jennie have been a tremendous support system. They try to understand my illnesses.
Jennie is like a daughter to me.When Dan married her the saying that I didn't lose a son but gained a daughter was true.
I can't always be the help I wish I was however I am learning to adjust to life I have not the one I planned.
I remind myself of my blessings everyday.

I can't imagine going through this and not believing in my faith.
It is a huge comfort to me to be able to rely on the Scriptures to help me through each day.

I live in Dayton, Ohio and the city is gearing up for its celebration of
" Inventing Flight ". The Wright brothers invented their airplane here in Dayton 100 years ago and Ohio is celebrating its 200th birthday this year as well.
We just found out that the President is going to be here on the 4th.
Harrison Ford is opening ceremoies and John Travolta is doing a flyover with John Glenn at closing ceromonies 3 weeks later. There will be things going on all year. If any of you live within driving distance I recommend you pay a visit here.
There is also the Wright-Patterson AFB located here and AFB musuem here and its free to attend.
Think about where we'd be today if Orville and Wilbur hadn't invented the airplane. Life would be very different. And the natural progression of that was the space program. Years ago before I moved to Houston I used to wonder why the space program should be important to me.
Over the years I was educated to understand how countless technologies we use today came from the space program.
Can you imagine life without your microwave?
This happens also to be the anniversary of Ford Motor Company, 100 years.
What would your life be like without the automobile?

So the great inventors I salute you.

Hi! I'm Myself today I think. It has been an interesting day to say the least.
I had therapy today. The place I go is remodeling and the section that I usually see my therapist was closed therefore I had to go to the other side. What a cornucopia of folks were there. There was an Elvis impersonator dressed in a bright blue shirt and slick black pants and black shoes and of course the signature hair. So, in case you are wondering Elvis IS alive and living in Dayton Ohio, USA !!! Next to him was a lady fashionably dressed if we were back in the 70's. She had on a multi-colored and flowered skirt. The colors were orange, yellow and lime green reminisent of some kitchen wallpaper in a house I lived in years ago. She had an orange top covered with an orange jacket. To complete the ensemble were her black sandals, black canvas bag w/ brown straps and lest I forget the outfit was topped off with her orange hair and vericose veins. I know the retro thing is popular but I really believe she has had this in her wardrobe as part of an original collection.The only thing she may not have had back then were the varicose veins.Across from me was a guy, mid-forties with that " hey I am on some heavy duty medication stare".Then in came a young guy, maybe mid- 20's using a walman to listen to a CD. He walked over to this guy and Had him listen to the music for a few seconds and then asked him if he liked it. The guy said yeah and the young guy said "it's rap. I thouhgt you said you didn't like rap". The older guy answered that he thought he didn't like it but maybe now he did. Then the young guy spooted one of the case managers. She is probably late20's blonde, nice figure, etc. The young guy rushes over towards her and hollers out " You look really nice today Monica". She thanked him as she hurried off. The guy comes back over and stands in front of me talking to the other guy and says, " I love Monica. Hey Bill, I love Monica. I mean I really LOVE Monica." By now, all of us in the area knew he was quite fond of Monica. I wondered where my therapist was because I wasn't in the mood to engage in conversation with fols today. There was a lady in a royal blue jogging suit that kept staring at me and I knew she wanted to talk but I didn't feel like it. Lest I forget, there was the caseworker dressed in royal purple pants, blouse and hat!
Finally, Tori came and got me.
I really connect with my therapist. We spend probably 20 minutes of my hour with her telling me stuff happening in her life. This week she had new windows put in and the window guys trampled down a lot of her flowers. Her daughter that lives near Columbus has landed a teaching job she wanted. And there was the ususal my husband is a chauvinist but I've been married to him for 30 years and I adjust and ignore!
Then we go outside when my time is up and have a smoke together. We go on the side of the building because clients aren't supposed to know their therapist smokes.
Hey, I used to be a 3 pack a day smoker and now I'm down to 1 1/2 - 2 packs a week. I was trying to quit and 2 psychriatrists told me not to since I did cut drastically back.
I have a lot of anxiety and they feel it would be worse if I try to cut back further.
Anxiety is derived from anger ( which I did not know until I was in therapy ). So we work a little each time on helping me work out some issues and I sure have enough of them.
I surprised her one session when she asked me out of everything I've had to face in my life what was I the most angry about. My answer; simple- My mental illness.
For me, it has been the most difficult to accept. Society looks down on those of us in my position. It is invisible. It doesn't require a cane or wheelchair or a helper dog.
Its effects may be visible but the illness is invisible and the majority of pwople prefer it to stay invisible.
It has alienated close family members from me. I am medication dependant and will be the rest of my life.20 years ago you could hardly get me to take an asprin. The meds make me groggy. My life is very sedentary where I used to be very active ( probably manic ).Then I have the physical ailments on top of it.
So, yes I am angry at my mental illness because it has robbed me of family and a quality of life I will only be able to have now in my memory.
But, at least it isn't cancer or some other horrible disease.
I work around the meds issue the best I can. If I have an appointment I won't take them until I get back. I try to make everything as early as I can.
And, I am finally being able to catch up on all the reading I never got around to in the early years.
I think there are only 2 or 3 Fern Michaels books I have yet to read. Then I will have to choose another author.
Does anyone reccomend an author or is there a book you have/are reading that is interesting to you?
My grandaughter is so much fun. Tonight we danced like we were married! ( her words ) Then she had to teach me to swing around the way she wanted because she was the man. Earlier, I wa in my room on the bed reading and had one knee up with the bok kind of resting on it. She came in and pushed my knee down and said, There, you feel better now". Then she blew Keisha kisses all over my room so no monsters could get me. Then she said she'd be back in 5 minutes to check on me! And she did. And then again in another 5 minutes! She had given me a card on Saturday to help me feel better. ( she made it ) on her 3rd trip in she took the card and said, " Sorry Nana. I have to give this to Ms. Jean ". (her teacher). I thought that was so funny. I want to remember al this so as grows up I can tell her the funny things she did.
I have discovered she likes me to tell stories of when I was growing up or sometimes she wants me to make up " once upon a time stories". And I do posses an imagination.

Hi! It's Me, I think. I am kind of sad today. My son has been out of work ( software engineer- computer programmer ) since last June except for a several week stint around the holidays last year.
Today they had to face some tough decisions. It looks like they will have to sell their house.As a Mom I feel so terrible and inadequate. That's the humanness in me speaking because we are believers and I know God has a plan.
He is in control, not us. I am unable to work but try to help w/ housework and take care of my granddaughter when needed.I just wish I could do more.
I go to therapy tommorow. The last time we touched on the idea of me filing for Social Security Disability. I applied about 1 1/2 years ago and was denied.I've since learned everyone is denied the first time. I should have appealed. I am not savvyon this type of stuff.
We will probably move to an apartment. There are advantages.
Friday I go back to MD to find out results from echocardiagram. There is a history in my family of a certain cardiomyopathy. I am a little anxious about that. I have 2 brothers and a nephew on transplant lists.
I am into a new book. It is called " What doesn't kill you makes you stronger " which has been my anthem for years.
It's a positive thinking self-help book with exercises that help you to adjust to life changing events.
It has been helping me in various areas. I would reccomend it.
Soon, I will pick up my latest Fern Michaels book that I haven't gotten to yet. Once in awhile I need to read a book like that to reenergize. You know, something to get lost in for awhile.
I think this is going to be it for today.
I had to drive to the other side of Dayton this morning and got lost coming home. I've lived here for about 6 months but my scope of venturing out is limited.
Hope everyone is well.
Remember Mary's Hope in your prayers.

I live in Dayton, Ohio, having moved here in late October from the Houston, Texas area. Wright-Patterson AFB is located here in Dayton. I can tell you THIS is a military town!

Right now as I am writing this there is a rally going on downtown to support the troops and to reinforce our patriotism. What you may not know is that a lot of the new technology used in Operation Enduring Freedom was invented right here at Wright-Patt.

My youngest son serves presently in the Navy on the JFK , an aircraft carrier stationed at Mayport, Florida. I recently was told they will be shipped to Iraq later this year. They were in the Afganistan conflict and returned last August 17th.

I, having lived in Texas while #39 was President for the last Iraqi conflict and while #41 was govenor until elected President can say " I" am proud to be an American. I had no doubt that this president would do as he said. He is a prayerful man and would have all troops under consideration in making a decision.

I knew the possibilities yet knew he knew also what he would be asking of this country. I personally believe he has etched in his memory the aftermath of what he saw from 9/11. I don't think he will ever forget that experience. Nor, should we.

My son joined up before 9/11, and I asked him then if he regretted his decision and he answered no. I was and am very proud of him. We, his family, keep him in our prayers and thoughts everyday.

My heart aches for the mothers and families whose service member lost their life to this and any conflict. That includes Iraqi mothers and families too. I hope I don't sound too " pollyannish" over this but this is how I truly feel.

PJ---I am so proud of you because it was YOUR choice to wear the uniform. You had the freedom to say yes or no. I think most of the Iraqi soldiers didn't have that choice. Hey PJ- remember the grilling I gave the recruiter? I know some day you and I will have a good laugh over that day.

So,anyone reading this, if you are American, or live in a democratic society take a moment to reflect on your freedoms and really appreciate them. Someone, somewhere has/is paying a price for it.