Monday, October 22, 2007

Skidmark Cards

A lady on one of my message boards has a brother-in-law who makes these cards.
It's in tribute to her daughter,who committed suicide last year and 100% of the proceeds go to fund domestic violence women's shelters.

These cards are a smart a$$ and tongue in cheek way of breaking up. They are not nasty, hurtful,(well,I guess you received one you'd be hurt), or profane.In fact,they lend to the humorous side,although again,if you received one you may not find the humor.

I can see teenagers or college aged kids using these a lot.And some adults if they have a real sense of humor.

It's ironic I was given this link today because I had wanted to comment on domestic violence in teens.
It is so prevalent yet swept under the carpet.

A young gal wants to fit in and be part of a relationship,if possible,part of the "in" crowd.
She will allow herself to be mistreated verbally,physically,spiritually just to be part of something.
Teens want to blend in and fit's the time in their life they rebel against parents,rules,the system and anything else they can think up.
The one time a teen gal needs to listen to her parents she is most likely not to.

She will even try to hide the symptoms of abuse from her parents and family.If confronted,she will be angry they would even think such a thing.
If she is blessed she will have a friend who looks out for her,that is willing to risk the friendship and speak to an adult.
Most of her friends are too self-absorbed to care or don't want to create waves.They feel their own relationships are in jeopardy if they speak out.
Often,the boyfriend of the victim is the friend of her friend.
If the friend speaks out,she risks losing her own relationship because of it.

This same scenario can play out in gay relationships as well as heterosexual relationships.
In a gay relationship the teen is isolated already because they don't want to come out of the closet and then further isolated because of the abuse.
In both the abuser will try to isolate his victim from family and friends convincing the victim they are are no good for her.
He will manipulate situations to make her think his thinking is correct.

There is the issue of date rape in teen situations.
It isn't always just "dating" but in established relationships too.
He will control her and if she says no will be abused in some way and forced to comply.
Anytime sex is not consensual without force it is rape.If any young women see this,please hear my words.
Your body is your body.It's not his.He doesn't own you therefore he doesn't have the right to "take" what is his.
It isn't love,it's lust.
Love does not harm. Sometimes your feelings hurt or your heart breaks but love does not harm.
Regardless what he says,listen to me,it's a bunch of bullmalarkey.

This same young man who willingly abuses you is likely to walk away and abandon you if you become pregnant. Practice safe sex.Practice it for your future.Practice it for your health.Practice it because you are important enough.
I won't preach about premarital sex although I prefer you'd wait.
If you are choosing to play like an adult then be prepared to pay the consequences-alone.He will not stand by you,regardless what he says to you now.

Do not take on his guilt or his consequences.When he says he is sorry because.... or he wishes he hadn't but.... or if you had only..... or if you had.... or if your would.....
he is full of it.
It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
He has a personality disorder and you'd be best to recognize it now and get away.
Get some counseling to look within yourself and figure out why you were attracted to this personality.
If you don't you are doomed to repeat the same thing over again and again until you do.
Be smarter than some of us adult women who didn't figure it out until we were much older.

And if he says he will kill himself or others if you don't stay with him,it's a load of crap.
If he is going to kill himself he would find another victim or excuse.He is drawing attention and wants you to be victimized further.
Please,please,please tell a person in authority if he would make that threat.It's your responsibility and obligation to do so.
It isn't your responsibility if he takes his own life on his terms. It would be sad and a shock but it isn't your fault.

You don't have to be in a relationship to feel good about yourself. I know you think you do.
You can be half of a whole and have holes in your life.Trust me,I know this well.
Be your own best friend.What would you advise your best friend if she were in the same situation and then take your own advice.
Don't stay in isolation.There is no reason to hold onto the shame. That's the abuser further tormenting you.Bring it out into the light and lie no longer has life.

If even one teen sees this and it makes a difference it will be worth it to me.If I can help one teen stop the cycle of violence in her life then it was worth it.

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