Tuesday, May 31, 2005

domestic violence

I Got Flowers Today

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.

But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral! Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......

I was sent this e-mail recently and its very powerful.

Its a reminder there are many living in this situation everyday. It can stop. If you are one of them as I was please call a shelter or some other trusted professional such as a clergy member or your physician.

If you find the courage to take that step help IS available.
Do not depend on family or friends; you have to do this for yourself.

To those living in this circumstance or if you know someone who is remeber the most
dangerous time is when you decide to leave. However, don't let the fear stop you from making tht decision. This can be the day your life turns around.

I know. I've lived it.

Monday, May 30, 2005


I came across this site this weekend and its really great. For those of us that may just not know how to get organized or those like me that need a kick in the bahonkus this is the greatest site. She is compassionate and funny and helpful.
I copied a letter written by a guy as to why they accumulate " junk" as we women call it and don't want to part with it.
Dear Friends,At the FLY Fest, Robert was a big hit with our members. He gave them alittle insight into our guys' clutter. You have asked him to write anessay about it and he has. The only part you will miss is the airguitar dance he did on stage that day. I still laugh at the thought ofthis. FlyLadyMen's StuffAt the May FlyFest in Charlotte, someone asked a question about theirhusband's clutter, and how she should deal with it. I don't rememberwhether Marla or Kelly tried to answer the question, but I didn'tthink the answer quite hit the mark, so at the end of the program theylet me on stage to give my take on the subject. I was not speakingfrom notes, and while I remember generally what I talked about, thisis by no means a transcript of what I said. But the core message isthe same. Anyway, here's what I think.When you're about to take a trip, you make preparations. You gas upthe car, you pack your bag, maybe you check the map. Anyway, you doall this before you leave the driveway. Guys' possible future livesare like that; we acquire things that are either currently useful, orthings that will surely be useful later, when we fulfill one oranother of those life missions our parents unknowingly gave us. Up tonow, the analogy to getting ready for a trip works fairly well, butright here it breaks down. If the trip gets cancelled, you don't leavethe bag packed. When the kid (who, let's say, played football in highschool) finds himself a finish carpenter, or pediatrician, orwhatever, he will probably not throw away that high school letterjacket. He's not going to wear it, but he is going to keep it, atleast for a while. And while he keeps it, to you it looks like clutter.To him, it isn't clutter. It is the smudgy ink stamp on the wrist thatsays he can get back into the nightclub of youth. To understand this,you need to understand the difference between how you stay young, andhow he does. Men, for the most part, don't use makeup. We may use hairdye, but we don't use it well. We may work out in the gym, but wedon't use body shapers or girdles. In other words, our attempts ateternal youth are less successful than yours are. And yet, our culturesets a considerable premium on youth, or at least the illusion ofyouth. Let's just say it: you fool yourselves your way, we foolourselves our way, and our way involves psychological props. As longas we don't discard that old camping equipment, we are still campers,still Boy Scouts, sort of. If we keep the letter jacket, we preservethe moment of triumph as if it were only yesterday. If we don't havethat old GTO hauled off, we tell ourselves that we might still,someday, rebuild the motor and have a muscle car again. As long as wekeep the stuff, we can still cling to the illusions.I am a mediocre bridge player but a decent chess player. I can regapthe tappets on an MG, but there are third graders who can draw betterthan I can. When people talk about me, they sometimes say that I'm ajudge and that's fine, that's how the language works, but it isn'treally true. I make my living as a judge, but that's just what I do,it isn't what I am. I don't know what I am; I like to think I'm a workin progress. But whatever it is that I presently am, I don't think itcan be summed up in one word. I don't think your guy can be, either.I'm not a judge, she's not a blond, he isn't an activist, and you'renot a ditz. But having said that, I think it is possible to say whatsomeone is not. Your guy's life still has many roads it can take, butsome of the original possibilities are now firmly in the past. Hecould still write a play, or learn Spanish, but at some point, it hasbecome a fact that he isn't going to be a professional athlete, or arock star. And yet he may still have musty old letter jacket, or adust-covered set of drums, or a box of obsolete radio parts, or awooden tennis racket. They have in fact become clutter, from themoment that he came to a fork in the road and took the path that ledsome other way. You see it. He doesn't, at least not yet. Men do noteasily come to terms with what they are not, because the illusion thatall of the possibilities are still intact is a comforting one. As longas all things are possible, we are still twenty. To look at our lifeand say that this or that thing is simply not going to happen, is toacknowledge that we aren't twenty any more.I don't know that there is anything you can do about any of this;maybe just knowing is enough. But remember, you hooked up with yourguy, and women aren't attracted by stupidity. He isn't a dimwit, buthe is willing to fool himself if you let him. The wrong way to not-lethim is to say, "Why are you keeping that old stuff? You're never goingto do anything with that!" That is wrong, not because it is incorrect,but because it won't work. Just a thought: if you get rid of the promdress, the letter jacket will probably disappear. Your home may nothave either of those things, but you know what I mean.Robert

Thank You

Today is memorial Day. It's the day we Americans set aside to honor our military and family members who are no longer with us.
I am reminded as a child the holidays my Dad did not have to work ( he was a city firefighter and rotated 24 on -48 off) we would spend Memorial day visiting our dead.
The most poignant time for me was visiting the cemetary thay my maternal grandparent were buried.
The site was up a hill about half way up and you had to walk many lots over to the middle to find theirs.
Once in the right area theirs was easy to find; the only pink stones.
I never knew my grandfather, either of them for that matter.
My Mom's Dad died when he was just 44 years old 5 days after my oldest sister was born. My mother was still in the hospital as back then you stayed 10 days postpartum. She was oan only child and although she never said much I know she had a huge regret she wasn't there to bury her father.
My grandmother died when I was in kindergarten so I have limited memories of her.
We would kneel and say our prayers and give my mother the time she needed and usually place some roses from my mothers bush on the graves.
The next task was to return to the base of the hill and visit my " little, big brother, Charlie".
I called him that because he was little in his grave but would have been my oldest brother, my mothers firstborn. He was stillborn and again she didn't get to say good-bye or be there for his burial.
That event altered the family dynamics forever.
I can't imagine the thoughts my parents had during those visits.
Today, if you stand at his grave you look down the hill and at the road is my parents graves.
It all came full circle.
Today i remember each in my head and heart and can say they are never forgotten.

Today is the day we honor our military that are no longer with us.
I also am reminded of those lost in the conflict that happened in my youth; the Vietnam War.
There are still missing POW-MIA's out there somewhere and I never want them forgotten.

Bob purchased a framed picture through the Post Office and presented it to me today.
It is of a man touching "The Wall ".At the bottom it displays the stamps the Postal service has issued honoring Vietnam Veterans. To the side is a poem and I will add it here.

The Wall

the night was cold,I was ten years oldwhen the chaplain made his call.The news was bad, my mother was sad when she heard of my father's fall.

An ambush he said, they all were dead the words were shocking and cold. eight other men died, eight other wives cried for young men who would never grow old.

The years quickly passed, they seemed so fast with no father to show me the way.
Yet I knew from the start, deep down in my heart we'd be together, forever, one day.

Through the laughter and tears, the months and the years I kept hearing " its " far away call.
the day was cold I was thirty years old when my eyes first set sight on the WALL.

It seemed ancient yet now, as if somehow on cue when I saw it the Earth became still.
And in my memory once gray, became focused that day on a man who now suddenly became real.

No more tears filled my eyes, no more lifetime of "why's" All the answers I'd found in this place.
With the touch of his name, gone was the sorrow andpain and bad memories were quickly erased.

As I stared into the black, my father stared back and he smiled and my heart filled with joy
I said, " Welcome home Dad, what a journey you've had"
He said, " Its sure great to be home, my boy."
1998 Kelly Strong

To all veterans past and present my undying gratitude.
To my son, Paul Frank Welker, Jr serving presently on the USS John F. Kennedy I am so proud of you son and thank you.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Letters to Iraq

I was looking through some blogger stuff and found this blog. Its from a woman whose husband is in Iraq.
Quite an interesting blog.
Linked to hers is his.
The Memorial Day holiday is upon us and I hope we all take at least a moment to remember the veterans and other military serving right now and those in the past.
If you know a military family it would be nice to perform a random act of kindness.
Like this woman many Moms and dads are out there holding the fort down in the everyday mundane things of running a household and raising a family.

Unrelated but I have been fighting a bug off and on for a couple of weeks. It could be another fibroflareup. I'm really not sure.
I am begining to hurt differently than I ever have. Its more intense now. Bless Bob's heart he does all he can to make life easy for me. I am so blessed he is in my life now.

A lot of you will be out and about this weekend. I just want to encourage everyone to act responsibly. Even if you don't drink and drive remember there are others that will.
many areas have had an unusual amount of rainfall this year and lakes and streams will be running. Please use lifejackets when in and near water.
Practice fire safety while camping and using the grill.
Keep an eye on your children.
hope to see everyone back next week.

Saturday, May 21, 2005


yesterday I meant to post the address on the subject of the soldiers and other military.
I wanted to comment also the only service not represented is the U.S. Coast Guard for obvious reasons.
If you do got to this site at the end of the list are names that when called up say this person has not been heard from in more than 50 days. That is somewhat disturbing isn't it?
Why haven't they been heard from? Is it that no one responded to their request and they gave up or that they are engaged in battle that is so remote they can't get mail or is it that they are no longer with us.
Seeing that made this all the more real to me.
With each name you will find a short comment left about who the person is and if possible to tell you somewhat where they are. They will describe their living conditions ( some are reasonably pleasant- some are not).
Each of these people is a contact person for a group of others. I read one posting that the guy was begging for letters as some have no mail coming from home.
Some leave a fairly wordy post some don't.
I read one post that a group received fake dog tags that said " my parent is serving in Iraq'. He said it was a big hit with the Mom's especially to send back to their children.
One posting had a comment life by the service person's wife thanking America for their support and what it meant to them as families.
I encourage you to check out the site.

Here is a something I read today- if you can't say something nice at least be kind.

Friday, May 20, 2005

any soldier

I had heard of this site but only recently visited. It is a great site for anyone who has said" I'd like to do something but don't know what to do".
is about sending all kinds of things to the military in Iraq and Afganistan.
I happened upon it through a gardening site. Someone was getting together seeds and such to send them to help boost morale for the soldiers and the citizens of Iraq.
In there you find what they need and want and you can find someone to communicate with if you don't know someone personally.
As a Mom who has a son in the Navy and was deployed last year I can tell you that the morale can get very low.
Imagine yourself in their shoes and you will realize what a boost a letter from home or a package containing essential items they cannot easily get ahold of would be.
I know the hoopla has died down and we are in for the long haul. Let's just not forget those that are sacrificing so much.
If you belong to an organization maybe you could incorporate this into a fundraising project.
Just thought I'd pass it along.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

SSD news

received a letter yesterday from the attorney's office handling my case. It seems now they don't think I have a strong enough case with the medical files I presently have.
Since I had to rely on government issued medical care instead of through a private network as I had when I was able to work the care has been could we say a little substandard.
The last place in Texas even limited you to only 3 prescriptions a calendar month which you paid $7.50 each.
So each month I would have to choose between treating the depression and bipolar or the fibromyalgia.
The attorney has set it up with a doctor out here for me to see who will give me a complete workup and detailed report to be submitted to Social Security.
The problem is he is over 2 1/2 hrs away and it will cost me $600.00 out of pocket.
I felt so defeated.
Bob said not to worry he would gladly pay for it but it isn't the point.
When someone has waited as long as I have and fought for everything it just one more hurdle.
My hearing is June 30th in Oakland so this has to be done soon.
That means I have to hope I can get an appointment on one of Bob's off days or he has to juggle getting off as he has already had to do to be off for the hearing.
I have to get a money order ( no checks) and send to the attorney before the appointment can be made.
That means we have to wait until next week on Bob's off day to go to the bank and transfer the funds. He doesn't just happen to have $600.00 laying around here.
I know this is minor to what some go through but it is so irritating.
And still no guarantee the judge will grant me the SSD.
You would think I am asking for an exorbitant amount of money.
This whole experience has been an eye opener as to how the system works.
It is a shame that people who are already in an unfair position have to be put through this kind of ordeal. In my case it has been over 3 yrs now.
I've met people who have lost their homes as well as all of us who have had our dignity compromised by the system.
The majority of us would give about anything to be able to work and be productive members of society again.
Believe me, if I am given the chance to voice an opinion at that hearing I will have an earful for whomever may listen.

Thursday, May 12, 2005


Bob carpooled yesterday so I used the truck to venture out to my local Safeway.
I had this creepy feeling the old neighbor was in the next aisle watching me. She only moved about 5 minutes away.
If any of you have followed me from the begining with this blog you will remember my adventures from the days of going to the mental health clinic in Dayton.
She would give some of those people the creeps.
She is about 4ft 10in and has no teeth.
She wants to be called Dusty but I call her Dot as her name is Dorothy.
She doesn't know that I call her that; its a joke between me and Bob from the Tx days. She would come over and annoy him before I got here.
I said she had the hots for him and started calling her " Dot". It stuck and a couple of times he accidentally has called her that to her face. Kind of funny.
She wanted us to help her move but gosh wewere always busy.
She dresses interstingly and I have found clothes in the garage she had put there for me. She wanted to share. As nice as that is our styles are not the same.
She lives in a house that I guess is like a halfway place for drug offenders.
It is supposed to be drug free.
She disclosed to me that Margaret, her house mother,( not me) didn't know she had a stash of hash.
She is also wanted in another county for embezellment. So you can get the picture that I really wanted to keep my distance.
She asked me one day if I would like an item for the kitchen that she was going to be getting rid of. I told her I probably didn't need it. She said she would get it shortly. I later discovered she was absconding it from a pile of trash a neighbor around the corner had thrown out!
Please God, can't I have just one normal friend?
I promise; I will be a good steward of the friendship.
Under unrelated news- read an article online this morning that a study was done on 36 people to test the way we react to smell. 3 groups divided into 12 people. One group was homeosexual; one heterosexual female and one heterosexual male.
It appears we women are not turned on by the smell of other females if we are straight; males are not turned on by other males if they are straight; males were turned on by the smell of other males if they were gay but not turned on by female smells; lesbians were not turned on by gay men.
So I don't know what the point of this study was but I wish I could have been a part of this.
I would have loved to say " this stinksand gotten away with it.
I guess maybe there will be a new line of designer frangrances out by the holiday season. Instead of having to know which ear to put your earing in you can identify yourself by your odor!
And, the catchy thing about that is you won't be hit upon by anyone who isn't of your persuasion.
I'm excited about this new development.
But what do you do if someone winks and its obvious they aren't who you would be looking for?
I guess I could just explain I'm a Virgo and that should take care of it!
Any Scorpios could have a problem because we know what they say about Scorpios!
And to all who know how computer savvy I'm not it only took me 71/2 hours yesterday to determine that microsoft did not recognize my modem.
I thought whats up with this? Its the same one I had from the begining. It didn't get a new hairstyle or color or change makeup for the spring. Whats up with that?
Someday, by the time my granddaughters grow up I may have mastered this thing.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

a little of this and that

In the chat groups I belong to we have had high drama this past week.
You know for us bored housewives this is big stuff!
There is a woman who at the lest is unbalanced and at best is sinister and has created all kinds of drama.
She will not leave me and a few others alone. I have had to report her to the people that have the site. They are investigating her. Yesterday, a favorite group disbanded because it all got out of hand.
This woman has come into the groups under 7 different handles in the past month.
Why do these kind of people flock to me?
The only " friend" I've made here in California so far was a woman who just moved this past weekend ( ! ).
She also has issues. She came up to me recently as I was working in the yard and had a kleenes with something in it wanting me to examine it. I told her I'd really much rather not. She insisted and I knew she wouldn't go away if I didn't comply.
Well. what I saw looked like a tiny scab with a few hair foolicles in it. No, no, no. It was an organism that had infected her and she could feel it moving around in her head.
I then was shown her scalp where said creature was trying to hide.
All I could see was a hole in her scalp where she had been digging and told her so.
Stupid, stupid me. I don't know anything.
Then she left or so I thought.
She returned after a minute with a magnifying glass and said microscopic invader so I could get a closeup view. Now it really looked like a scab with hair hanging out of it. I suggested if she was that concerned she maybe should get an appointment with the doc quickly ( as in now) to have him/her investigate this.
She informed she had been to the doc and to the ER on this very matter and they told her she was basically nuts. How dare they?
I then struggled for the next 30 minutes to find a way to escape her.
At one point I told her I thought I heard the phone ringing. She followed me into the garage and I had to stop her at the door to the inside.
I got my cell phone and quickly sent a text message to Bob- help me. She's here.
I have to explain that is a code word Bob and I use to let each other know if something is wrong or we don't feel well. I will explain the origin in a minute.
Bless his heart, he did fire off a response back that helped me escape.
It got to the point I was afraid to go outside. She would sit in her doorway waiting to see the garage door open. If it was opened and you didn't go out right away you would find her waiting in the garage.
Her claim to fame according to her is she is an ex-roadie of the Eagles and she wrote songs for them but was never paid.
I also found out a recent mission of mercy to take her to the store to pick up a prescription she is also quite fond of Suda-fed. Not the generic but the name brand. She bought every box they had. She also wanted a 2 liter of Coke but settled for a 5 gal container, 2 half gallons and a box of ice cream instead.
Hopefully. I've seen the last of her but why do I still have this fear when I open the garage door she is going to be right there?
She left us a parting gift. I found some tacky artificial greenery in my beds yesterday.
Now for stelwah.
One day Bob and I were watching an interview with Robin Williams; Inside the Actors Studio on Bravo channel.
A comment he made was that he felt anyone with the right lines could deliver. he stated that even Elmer Fudd could have delivered the famous line from Streetcar named Desire-" Stellwah"!( in that voice).
It was hysterically funny.
Since then we have used it to say we are having trouble or not well.
Changing subjects- saw in my local paper yesterday that the ONION is going to get a San Fransisco- Bay area edition.
They are the group that puts out the satirical headlines that some people don't have the sense to know is a spoof.
One headline recently was Vatican is more opulent than Heaven reports dissapointed Pope. They have an online version I need to add to my favorites list.
Repoted in my online version of the Houston Chronicle yesterday was the return of the .
For those that don't know they are little gnat like creatures that come from somewhere myseriously every spring and fall to that region in the south. They live about 56 hrs. Teir entire existence is to copulate in mid-air and drink nectar and die.And you thought you had it rough!
They swarm by the hundreds if not thousands and are everywhere. They get all over your windshield or in the grille of your car and are really a nuisance.
So some of them don't even get to live the full 56 hrs.
I don't miss that part of living in TX.
spring has arrived here in Northern california. Everything is blooming and of course we are sneezing.
Its beautiful and I am learning about flowers I've never seen as well as enjoying the old favorites I recognize.
Bob went fidshing last week and caught a couple rainbow trout and I cooked them that night and used lemons from our own tree.
That was kinda neat for me. He said in 20 years of being here he had never picked lemons from the tree. He thinks I am so creative! ( sshhhh)
We continue to enjoy each other immensely and everyday we find something hysterically funny to us. And isn't that what its all about? it doesn't matter if anyone else finds it funny as long as we do.
He really is a special guy.
And guess what he has even been throwing away things here in the past couple of weeks. He bribes the trashman every week with a little cash to take it away!
Yep the mailman and the trashman have a silent pact! Whatever it takes. At this rate this time next year this place may be dejunked!
We haven't made it to the 8track player yet but we are getting there.
So there is the update on me the last few days.
for those

Friday, May 06, 2005

what a crying shame

I just read a story online about a junior in high school suspended for talking to his Mom, a sodier in Iraq.
Apparently, she called him on his cell phone while he was in the cafeteria at lunch. The article stated that althought the students are permitted to have cell phones at shool they are not permitted to use them. Huh?
I realize this was an infraction of policy but after all it was HIS mother and she was serving in Iraq.
Hello school system. Earth to the administrators.
Has someone not told them that Iraq is many hours ahead of us? Has someone not had an in service to instruct our school employees the effect it has on a child when their parent is overseas much less serving in a volatile battleground?
And if that someone is your mother, the one who brought you into this world it probably means you are attached to her even if you cant be with her.
Has there not been instruction through counselors and other mental health personnel to assist these children through this traumatic time in their life?
Maybe this was the only time in days or weeks this mother had to contact her son. Maybe it could be she was going into a fight and was afraid she wouldn't make it.
Maybe it could have been her last call to anyone.
I think an exception should have made in this case or any case like it.
Isn't high school supposed to teach you to be part of the bigger world after you graduate? And that although there has to be rules we all have to follow there isn't always balck and white.
They said in the article that he became belligerent and cursed when taken to the office. Duh?
I'm surprised thats all he did.
I say kudos for him to take that call. His Mom will hopefully be around long after he is out of school and the lesson that the people in your life are more important than the words in a book is invaluable.
I think the administrators should be suspended and forced to take sensitivity lessons. Anyone want to bet thats gonna happen?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

the bug

havent been on in a couple days. I have a bug I can"t seem to shake easily.
The chat group I'm in has alot going around in it too. Now I know we didn't catch it from each other so how did I get it?
some local news y'all have probably heard- Barry Bonds will be out for longer than expected.Word is he had an infection in his knee but the newscaster said on his website he has no infection. So who ya gonna believe?
A local man from Alamo here in the Bay area was abducted and is being held hostage in Iraq.He ias an Austalian citizen but has lived here for many years. Our prayers are with the family and negotiaters.
Ana Ayala was arrested for the finger incident and is in jail in San Jose.
Y'all can start eating the chili again; she's off the streets!
She is a work of art let me tell you.Is somebody missing an ace from their deck?
How did she think she was gonna pull that off?
There is a trial going on in Danville. A nanny " allegedly" hit and killed 2 kids last fall while " allegedly" driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs. I have to say allegedly because she fled the scene and by the time they found her 2 days later she had no drugs or alcohol in her system
She has prior history of going to work and being fired for being drunk and stealing pain meds from the parents of former charges in her care.
I know we all are due a fair trial but come on.
These kids were walking and bicycyling with their mother and a couple family friends to go get an ice cream cone on a Sunday afternoon.
She ( the alleged perpetrator) was seen driving erratic right before the crash and speeding. You draw your own conclusion.
And last but not least, never least we now have the defense part of the Michael Jackson trial to look forward too.
Isn't that special?