Tuesday, March 29, 2005

what am i gonna do today?

There is so much I should be doing but what am I realistically gonna do today. It stopped raining, thank God. The yard needs mowed but we have a young guy that does it. Guess Bob is gonna have to have him come this weekend.
I've tackled all but two rooms in this house so far but the two that are left are going to be harder. I don't know where to go with some of this stuff.
He must have 500 VCR tapes; about 1000 cassettes. What do you do with an 8 track player and tapes? And a collection of old LP's.
Then there is the plethora of sport memorobilia which I know what I want to do but its the getting to it that's the issue.
I can see this man's life of the last 20 years all around this house. Every nook and cranny and closet and cabinet are bursting.
We even have his old Mazda truck thast hasn't run in 3 years in the garage for storage!
I have been doing a lot of researching on the internet about what one can do with clutter. Now, I have to convince him!
On the TLC channel there is a show called Clean Sweep that uses thepremise of decluttering and reorganizing and I've watched it as often as I can.
In his defense he works long hours and isn't home much. That's part of how it got this way and part of it is he's just a damn packrat!
I've looked for a tape measure for weeks now. He says one lives here somewhere.
I am the impetuous one and he is the exact opposite. So we balance each other. We are disimilar in a lot of ways but have the same values and principles.
That's one reason this works. And we laugh a lot.
We have had some bumps but we always manage to laugh.
I think what I need to do is order a dumpster abd go from there after I convince him the world will not end if he parts with this stuff.
I love the bones of the house. In fact, I named the house Rosa. It reminds me of a meek hispanic housekeepr who stood by and never spoke up to Senor Bob to tell him enough was enough. She just stood steady as she could over the years, waiting.
Guess what. I'm here now and its changing. Me and Rosa are gonna do some serious butt whipping!
My back never holds out as I need it to. I'll start doing something and have to keep stopping. Its frustrating.
My creative side is screaming to get out.
Had a bad pain night. Woke up several times.
I'm sure the rain has a lot to do with it.
I find I can't sit at the computer for extended periods of time.
I guess I need an ergonomically correct chair.
Well, gonna go get something done. Still not sure but I'll start somewhere.
If you don't hear from me for a few days I might be buried under a pile of stuff. I'll work my way out and find my way back to the pc because I survive everything.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

update on the past year

Yesterday I was able to be back into the world of computers again! Bob's brother set us up a computer and we got a provider and here I am.
After leaving the shelter I went into another program in which I was Put up in a motel for awhile. That was an interesting experience!
Oscar found out that I was there and callled constantly. I held my resolve and never saw him. He would communicate also through e-mail the few times I found a ride to the library.Always a spiritual letter filled with innuendoes and lies and spewing of hate but also wanting me to come " home ". Sure; fat chance that was happening.
I eventually got an apartment and took on a roommate. That was another interesting experience. She was the mother of one of the gals at the shelter.'
It wasn't a totally rewarding experience.
During this time I was still trying to get medical care for my issues but not having transportation made it a lot of work. And beind indigent in that county made accessing medical care a real challenge.
I was sexually assualted at the clinic by the x-ray tech. A man in his 50's. I reported him but nothing was done. He was the only x-ray tech they had so I never took x-rays there again.
And, it was the only place that I could access for medical care so I was in a real bind.
My SSD case has plodded along.
Had I stayed in Houston I would have had a hearing this month but everything has to be moved to San Francisco now.
I worked part time on weekends at the Tex-Mex restaurant I had worked at before I went to Ohio. It was physically challenging. I worked in the kitchen and the temps were many, many times approaching 115 degrees. Plus, the physical work was hard with my back problems and mobility problems.
I was supposed to be receiving a small amount of cash from my ex based on our divorce decree but he wasn't paying for awhile.
That's another story. And, a doozy of one it is. I will go into that at another time.
Meanwhile, after I moved into the apartment I " met " Bob through My cell phone I got while in the motel.
We woul;d text a little back and forth about baseball and scrabble.
One day a mutual friend was having problems with her phone and we both were trying to help.
After it was resolved he wanted to get to know me better. ( He didn't know what he in for)
The last thing I wanted was any involvement with a man. I did everything I could to turn him off.
The only thing he asked for was total honesty. Oh boy, I warned him he didn't know who he was talking too!
So the next day he started calling me. And I had a plan on nmy landline that allowed me unlimited long distance.
We talked everyday thereafter. I counted up before I moved here we logged almost 20000 minutes. then the cell calls and texting and I began to write him everyday.
I don't think there was a subject not touched or discussed in depth by the time I came here to live.
In June he asked if he bought a plane ticket would I like to visit? Sure. A vacation to San Fransis
co. My Mama didn't raise a fool and she always said I'd go where angels dared to tread.

So he deliberately made the arrangements for mid September. He figured if we were still talking we were into something worth exploring and if we weren't talking he could always cancel the ticket. He is a very wise man.
So in September I came to visit and I didn't want to go back.
He wisely knew we needed to go through a separation process to find out if we'd really miss each other. And we sure did.
In early October he asked if I'd come again for the holidays. Sure I would. Could I start with Halloween and go from there? He meant Christmas.
So I came back. And there were events that had happened that made it a wise decision not to return and that is how I came to live in California.
And I haven't regretted it.
We have had a few rough moments but we get through them.
If anyone saw us together they would think we have been together for 30 years.
We are so comfortable together.
The house presents challenges. He was alone here for 20 years and housekeeping and repairs were not priority for him.
We jokingly refer to this place as " This F----ing House " in reference to Bob Villa's This Old House!
He still has his 8 track player AND the 8 tracks. Does he use them - no. But, he has them just in case!!!
God love him.And I do. I didn't think I'd ever find this. He is who I wish I would have found way back when. My life would have been totally different. And there is the lesson. Had I always had it I may not have appreciated it as I do now.
God has been good to me. I am very blessed in so many ways.
I try to see the cup as half full instead of half empty.
Bob and I laugh everyday. And I mean almost wet your pants laugh everyday.
What a blessing that is.
I will add in other details later and fill in someof the blanks.
It's been a hell of a year let me tell ya.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

back in the saddle again

We finally got the computer and got it hooked up today so now I can blog again! I have missed this, for sure.
So much has happened since I last updated. Thanks to Dan for trying to update occassionally.
I think I last was able to publish while still in shelter or shortly after I got my own place.
The biggest change is the most wonderful person that came into my life when I least expected.
His name is Bob and he is my rock.
I live in northern California now. We are about 40 miles or so east of Oakland.
I figured out a lot of my trauma from the past while in shelter and continued some therapy after leaving.
I thought there would never be another man in my life and sure as hell didn't want one. But life had other plans.
I am treated so well. All the stuff they told me could happen in a healthy relationship is happening.
So if anyone reads this and you are in an abusive situation get out and don't go back.
I will write more thoughts on this at another time.
For now, I just wanted to get back into the swing of it.