been busy!

I have neglected my blog recently because I have been tied up on other projects.

Bob decided to put the house up for sale after he retired right after the holidays.

Now, it wasn't as simple to just call a realtor and put a sign in the yard.
As I've mentioned in the past this house was lived in by a hoarder who kept everything for the last 20 years he lived here.
Although he had slowly been disposing things in the time I had been here and was making some strides, he had a long way to go to make this house "sellable".

We had to go through and collect all the paper that had accumulated in all the places he had them stuffed.Filing some, just throwing out some and collecting together what needed to be shredded.We aaalready had burned up one shredder so we found a service you can take boxes of papers to and they shred it for a fee.For $45.00 we got all of it done at once and they dispose of it if you want or you can wait and carry it home and dispose of it yourself.Since the last thing we needed was more of something to dispose of we chose the former option.

Next we had another dumpster delivered and this time he was ruthless in his disposal of all these possesions.I actually was quite proud of hime.

We then rented a storage shed to take all the boxes as they were packed to get them out of the house.
The old Mazda truck(that he had used as a makeshift stortage shed) was pushed out on the driveway so the garage was cleared out. He is waiting on his pink slip because somewhere in all this mess it was lost.(Imagine that!)

I purchased a new, inexpensive vacuum with the dust cup (since the old one quit) and set about cleaning this place the best I could.What a job that was but it was really rewarding as well.

This house now looks like normal people live here! I had almost forgotten how it should be.

The house went on MLS on a Wednesday and the realtor started receiving calls with a couple of hours.Thursaday he had 2 appoinments and 2 more were set up while he was here.
At the end of the day we had 3 offers! Still no picture with the MLS listing, still no sign in the front yard!
We had an open house last Sunday and received 4 more offers.

We accepted one from a firm that flips houses as it was a full cash offer with no contingiencies except that we be out by the end of the month.
I felt bad in a way for the young families who were interested in the house.Even in its condition it would have been a good, solid starter home and this is a great family neighborhood.But, we didn't want to wait until they could secure financing.

So, off we go this wek to Oroville to select our new home and prepare to move.
We will be getting a new home most likely and all new furnishings to go with our new life together.

What an adventure its been!

And to add to this new journey I am expecting my first grandboy anyday now back in TX!
Our family is excited about his arrival and if he gives me half the joy Keisha has I will be one blessed Nana!
And, keisha is growing up so fast.She started learning cursive writing this past week.Doesn't that make her like an upperclassmen or something?!
Who told her she could grow up? I know I didn't.

Time moves on...

Health after trauma

I recently was contacted by Dr. Ellen Taliafierro; she specializes in trauma recovery and is an expert in her field. Dr T promotes the thory that writing is part of the recovery.I have long supported that thought myself.

I was drawn to write as a very young child; what was ironic is that I was probably what they now determine as "learning disabled". Words and the spelling of them were difficult for me; my father had a regimen that I had to learn three words a day, know their definition, put into syllables and be able to use them in a sentence at any given time.
His tactics were wrong but his motive was good. And, although it began as punishment for my unacceptable ineptness it served me well throughout my life.
I guess one would say I took lemons and made lemonade.

As many young girls do I wrote stories, kept a diary and journaled as well as the obligatory notes back and forth among who you thought were trusted friends.

Another irony was that my given name was Margaret Mitchell; the same name as the author of Gone With the Wind. Somehow, that connection was what motivated me to dream and believe it was possible that there was a different life outside my home and one day I would discover it.

So writing in some form has been a constant in my life as well as reading the written word.

Words give a voice to those of us who have been/are silenced by abuse and trauma. We sometimes are not given permission to use our voice and sometimes don't know what or how to say what we need to speak but in writing the words down the voice becomes clear.
It isn't important that the words are spelled correctly as much as the thought is spoken even in silence.

The thought, once given importance by writing it down, becomes a historical record of ones life.
You were there. You were the witness. You are the evidence.
I have been told my entire life to write books; to tell the story of my life.
For so many years because I was told I was insignificant I believed my story would be unimportant.

In the last few years I have come to realize that even if no one would read the words its an important story just because I lived it. And the most important person helped by my writing the words is myself; the bonus is that along the way some others were helped by my accounts of my experiences.

Anyone who has been a victim of violent crime, whether domestic violence or other forms should take a look at her website.
I will provide the link.http://www.healthaftertrauma.com/index.html

I like a quote of Dr.T which says, "life is not what happens to you, but what you do with it".

Home Alone

I am so incensed by this story that I've had to sit on it for a few days to calm down and make rational, well thought out statements regarding it.
http://www.contracostatimes.com/mld/cctimes/news/13538165.htm

There is absolutely NO defense as far I am concerned.

These are two selfish adults who deserve whatever possible the district attorney can throw at them.

Here is the background not necesarily covered in the article that has been reported on the local news broadcasts.
This couple were married in April and considered themselves newlyweds.

The boys Mother died 2 years ago from breast cancer and have apparently been through several nannies and also cared for by their maternal grandmother when she is able.

The younger boy is autistic and the older brother is left to care for his brother too often.

The boys spent the Christmas holiday with their maternal grandmother and she was asked to keep them thru the New Years holiday.She refused because she had to work.
The stepmother told the grandmother that it would be OK to leave them alone as its been done before. The grandmother refused as it was not only immoral and wrong it was illegal and told the new stepmother as much.
This is what ultimately made her suspicious enough to later notufy the police.

The grandmother made the suggestion that they take the boys with them to Vegas to all share in a family holiday. The stepmother refused stating "they were still newlyweds and needed time alone".

They left their home approximately at 5 AM on Saturday, New Years Eve; leaving a gas fire place lit, some frozen food to heat in the microwave, cereal and a cell phone # for the boys to call if there was an emergency.
They did however make arrangements for a sitter for the 3 family pets.

They younger boy was later heard crying in the garage and a neighbor went to get him.This has happened before that he has been left unattended.She left a note for whomever was watching him where he was.It was later that the older brother found the note and retrieved his brother.

The grandmother was suspicious that thery had been left alone and its unclear whether the neighbor called the grandmother or that the grandmother just called the police to do a welfare check.

The police called the cell phone # several times and left messages for a return call meanwhile the boys were taken into custody later released to the grandmother from Children's Protective Services.
The return calls to the police never happened but the one left from CPS was.
It was 2 days later until they returned from Vegas and taken into police custody immediately upon their arrival at Oakland airport.
Their excuse for the delay home was it was snowing and they couldn't get a flight out.Hello, how about a rental car, hitchhilikg, or even see if you could get a ride from a trucker, something. Make the attempt to show you cared enough to see to this matter in some way.

The older boy made the statement he is angry because he is always left alone to care for his brother.
Neighbors report that the boys statenment is factual.

These adults are not mentally impaired citizens who may not understand and could be excused in some way.
She is a cosmetic dentist; he is a licensed plumber.

When I read or hear their attorneys or their family members make excuses for their behavior it angers me even further.
Not once have they apologized for doing this or adnmitted they are guilty of anything except being newlyweds who needed time alone.

Excuses such as its hard to find someone to watch them don't fly with me. As a parent you make every sacrifice necessary to keep your children healthy, safe, fed, clothed, educated and loved.

What is tragic is they lost their apparently devoted and loving mother and she was replaced by someone incaple of feeling emphathy or compassion.

Boo hoo they are scared being in jail.What about the fear these boys have had not just in this incident but the other times they were left to fend for themselves?

Well. they are having their "alone" time now and I hope they have it as long as the law will allow.

This did not happen because the trusted adult was going to work to try to earn money to keep the family afloat or that a Mother left the older one in charge to go to the store to get food or pay bills to keep water and utilities turned on.In those cases it would have been wrong but for the reasons given in this case there is NO excuse.NONE.

To be so young and ignored and be deprived of the most basic thing from a parent or trusted figure in ones life- security- is unexcusable.

I await the defense's argument in any upcoming proceeding.I'm afraid these people need a spin team from the highest political circles to try to make this even sound remotely right. Its a good thing I won'tbe on a jury if it comes to that.

They should never have these children returned to them if they are released from jail or prison.
I doubt prison time can teach compassion but I will hope.

Christmas week here

This was a tumultuous week here in our house.

Preparing for the holiday in itself was a stressful enough time but doing so in a house in this condition had its own challenges.

The house has "defects" which I've alluded to in past posts so I won't go into them here.
Its been a rainy week and when you have leaks from the ceiling its an interesting challenge to deal with the leaks as well as continue a normal life as much as possible.

We have been trying to prepare the house to be put on the market shorly in the midst of trying to live here while we do it.

I haven't had a vehicle available to go shopping so I did just about all my shopping online.It was an interesting experiment and I think succesful.

Online shopping afforded me the experience of having the world as one huge mall!
I discovered the home shopping networks as well as all the websites of the major retailers and some of the ones I never knew existed.
As the saying goes, "the world was my oyster".

Its interesting to see the marketplace from that perspective.
Every price point, activity, interest, hobby can be addressed if you take the time to search.
Christmas shopping for me was actually fun this year.

The added bonus to me was all the boxes everything came in are now stacked along the kitchen wall ready to be used for packing! Even the packing peanuts can be reused so its also a recycling experiment.

We chose not to get a tree this year as it would have created further stress to determine where to put it.
I felt we should have something though so one day I went into the overgrown yard and chopped branches from the fruit trees, clipped some of the evergreen bushes and the rose hips from the overgrown rose bushes that were neglected and gathered recently fallen lemons from the ground and fashioned my very own uniquie holiday centerpeice!
The vase I used was one Bob's Mother had made herself in a ceramic class so we had a sense of history within the decoration.

I had ordered some unique tissue paper that in itself made nice wrapping and draped it over our heater which looks like a woodburning stove and placed the arrangement on it.
That was our focal point for the holiday.

The gifts were displayed in front of the "woodstove".
So you don't have to spend a lot of money to create a holiday atmosphere even in dreary surroundings.

Bob's last day to work was Christmas Eve. He is retired now after 40 years on the same job.
That day was a bittersweet day.
We had the anticipation of the holiday and upcoming retirement along with the finality of the last day to do something he had done for so long.

Throughout the day he would text message to my cell phone as he was completing each task of his workday for the final time.
At times it was so poignant; he loved most of his patrons and never considered it so much a job as an adventure.

At one stop a family actually was waiting at their box for him and as he approached the box they had made a sign congratulating him and then apllauded him.
Many left rememberances in their box to commerate his retirement.

A particualry poignant moment for me was when I received the message "this is it- Home Stretch". I knew he was at the last area of houses coming outof the hills down the mountain out of the subdivision.
I couldn't imagine what he must have been feeling at that moment. To know something you did every work day for 40 years was coming to an end must have been an emotional moment.
I didn't know then, he told me yesterday and probably would prefer Ii didn't reveal this, but after delivering his last stop he got out of his truck and knelt down and said a prayer of gratitude.
I reveal this because it shows the character of this man.

He was grateful he had been given the opportunity to do something that long and make a decent living; he was grateful he had basically good health and he was grateful he had me to ride off into the sunset with him.
He said throughout the day he had flashback after flashback of those 40 years.
After checking back in at the office for the last time and changing out of his uniform he removed his postal regulation shoes and tied them together and threw them over his locker door!
Then, he took a picture from his cell phone and sent it to me and some others who are close to him with the message, "I hung 'em up".
And then he left and began his last trip home from working.

Now, we begin the next stage of our lives.
Its funny in a weird way to think about the coming years.

When you are younger "retirement' is such an intangible thing.Everyone talks about it.Retirement funds, Social Security issues, health insurance, time to do what you always wanted, thinking about those who are no longer here to celebrate this time in your life, the new friends they say you'll make, the old ones who claim will stay in touch but rarely do.

And then one day- there you are. you are walking through the gate, a passage of your life that you didn't get to practice,no dress rehearsal.
You look back one last time and see the things you wished you'd done different and reflect; then you turn in the new direction and take with you all your life experiences into this unknown place and begin the next journey.

It was fitting in a way that for Bob it was in the holiday season where we celebrate the birth of the Christ Child. We are aware each year of the hope and promise this Child brought to the world and the impact His presence on the earth had for all history.
And through His life we have the roadmap to have a successful life in what is meaningful if we choose to utilize it.

So to me, retirement from a job is the freedom to be what this Child meant each of us to be. We are given the gift of time to make a difference and continue the legacy this Child left us.
That is the best Christmas gift of all, I think.

My Aunt Margaret's house

Yesterday, I needed to go to Realtor.com for the Cincinnati area to see if I could find a house style someone was inquiring about on one of the message boards I belonged to.

During my search I came across a listing for my Aunt Margaret's house.
It was like being taken back in time to see it again.

I am named for her and she was a terrific Aunt; she was actually my great-aunt, My Mother's Aunt from her maternal side of the family.


She never had children of her own and she saw to it that we kids were outfitted for Easter and had other things that were a help to my parents while raising 9 kids.

Aunt Margaret died when I was in the second grade but I remember her well. Her loss was profound to my mother and she was a strong influence and was at all the family gatherings of the Mitchell household.

One of the things I remember so well is she was a true German lady and loved her beer! I can picture her at picnic tables in the summer with her longneck bottle of beer and laughing all the time.
To me, as a little girl, she seemed to be tall and large, just as you'd expect a matronly German woman to be. She wore flowered dresses.I don't recall her ever in one that wasn't.

I always joke about being named after her; her name was Margaret Mary Aufderheide. I am so glad they named me Margaret Mary and not Aufderheide!

She had her beloved dog, Trixie with her everywhere. I think Trixie must have been a Jack Russel terrier or close to that breed.

When I saw the picture of Aunt Margaret's house I went back in time and remembered how the house always had a unique odor that I associated with Aunt Margaret. I would later learn that smell was flea powder but I didn't know it at the time.

The layout of the house was odd. As you entered from the porch you were in the upstairs and the front room and bedroom were on that level.
You went down some stairs to the kitchen and bath and it always had a musty smell that I just associated with the house. Now, I know there was probably always standing water somewhere down there maybe leaking from a pipe or the hot water heater.
The downstairs was painted concrete as I recall and was always cold.

Its funny I don't recall a lot of Aunt Margaret's furnishings which tells me it must have been functional and practical, not Better Homes and Gardens.

During the time I lived in Dayton with Dan and Jennie my sister Mary presented me with an envelope;on the outside was written in someone's hand "For Loraine, to be opened upon my death".

It was Aunt Margaret's will, written in her own hand willing all her possesions to my Mother, the largest being this little humble home.

My sister Pat and her husband resided there for awhile at the time my oldest neice Laura was born.
I remember babysitting Laura as a newborn infant and discovering her hands and feet were peeling.
I was barely 9 years old and really knew little about newborn infants at the time.
I was convinced I was killing her and grabbed her up and ran across the street to the backside of the park and up the hill towards my Mother's home.

I was panicked and distraught, crying, apologizing for whatever I had done and just wanted her to live.
My Mother then explained that Laura was way overdue and overdue babies just peeled at the joints.

Babysitting Laura in that house is my last memories of being inside that house.
I don't recall how long it was after that when apparently my parents sold the house; I just remember it not being a long time.

Finding that listing was like receiving a gift. How appropriate at this time of year.
Aunt Margaret played a large part in our early years in seeing we had nice Christmases and other holidays.

I think of her often and always remember her at this time of year.
Maybe she just wanted me to know she was also thinking of me!

Stanley "Tookie" Williams execution

The impending execution or stay thereof from the Govenor today is the big news today.

For anyone who may not know of this case it is whether the life of Tookie Williams should be spared before his scheduled execution at 12:01 tommorow morning.

Tookie was the co-founder of the Crips gang years ago and in that capacity he was accused and convicted of 4 heinous murders that led him to death row at San Quentin.

In that time he has turned his life around and been an advocate of anti-gang activity.

I think its commendable that Tookie has redeemed his life of crime but it doesn't change that he did lead a life of crime that got him into San Quentin.

He claims he is innocent of the crimes of which he was convicted therefore his life should be spared.

He has been on death row for 25 years; in that time I would think given his notariety he would have been able to put together an excellent defense team to reopen his case if this claim were true.

We hear of cases frequently lately that The Innocence Project has taken on and is able to discover new evidence or overlooked evidence to get a case overturned or reopened.

Tookie is a published author and has become the object of much discussion over the years so it isn't as if no one who could help him hasn't heard of him.

I have to assume over the years someone has looked at the facts and decided he was guilty of the charges.
Its true that especially during that time black men were convicted under some questionable circumstances so this was of a concern to me.

He has shown no remorse for the crimes he was convicted of based on his assumption "he didn't do it" so why should he be remorseful.
He has never once attempted to contact any member of a family whose loved one was killed by the crimes in which he was convicted.

I would think if he were savvy enough to get books published from prison he could attempt to get a leter of remorse out to even one family member.

Even a note of symphathy to say he didn't do it but he was sorry for any role he played in the death would have shown me something.

His contention is HE didn't do it; does he know who did and why haven't they come forward after all these years? Is it the gang mentality again to keep up the code of silence?

Prison officials have stated he hasn't been the model prisoner that he projects to be.
Precautions have been under way for weeks to thwart expected gang violence at the news of his execution.
Why hasn't he spoken out and worked with prison officials across the country to ward off prison viloence much less at his death?

Today it was reported that people living in the surrounding area near San Quentin cannot even park their cars near their homes until this is over because of expected violence.

So, yes its commendable that Tookie took action to get books published against joining a gang and to help children take a different direction.
I give him kudos for that; but it wasn't enough in my opinion.

I see all the media attention; the prominent entertainment stars coming out to revoke his execution.Do they know something more than I know? If so, speak up.

Maybe the real leagacy of the life of Stanley "Tookie" Williams will be that if you commit crime it doesn't pay.
The message may be that if you belong to a gang it leads to destruction and death.

I, of course, don't know if he isn't innocent or guilty.
I can only look at the facts.
I know the Govenor has looked at them as well.
The issue isn't whether he redeemed his past and therefore his life should be spared.
The issue is, is he guilty of the crimes he was sentenced to death for and therefore execution is a fit punishment.

Only Tookie and God can know the final outcome.

I wish you well on your journey to the other side Tookie, sincerely.
And if you did find redemption you can continue the work on the other side.
God Bless.

taking time to catch my breath

I haven't posted in awhile; I have very busy, at least for me - busy!

There is a lot going on in my life at this time and its ALL good!
I am so happy to be able to report that.

Bob and I went to his retirement board meeting this week and its official- retirement date is Jan 2nd.
This is a big step in his life.
He started with the USPS almost 40 years ago as a part time job until something better came along!
Of course back then mail delivery was different than it is today.
It has become more automated, less personal service, demands on time, and just generally the bigwigs only see the bottom line.

He was called into the "prinicipals office " last week because he was taking 13 minutes longer on his route than they thought he should. It wasn't taken into consideration the extra catalogs, the cards that have started arriving, the packages that are being sent. He told them he didn't know what more he could do since he already was taking no lunch break.

Its time to go.
He has mixed feelings.He will miss his patrons he has grown close to over the years but he is excited to move on to a different facet of his life.

Yesterday, he had to take off early for an emergency dental appointment.
He had come home in a lot of pain and his jaw was swollen. Obviously, he had an abcess which was confirmed.
He is going to need extensive oral surgery it appears; it will be a process that will take months, not weeks or days.

He knew a few years ago that it was getting bad but he felt loyal to his job and didn't want to take the time off work.
He has accumulated over 2800 hours of sick time.

I suppose that was overlooked when it was noted he was taking 13 minutes longer on his route.

We have decided the house will go on the market around january 15th.
Thanksgiving week we made another trip to Oroville and have decided to live at a senior manufactured home park, if they will have us!

The park sits on 80 wooded acres and has views of the Butte mountains.It is not even 10 minutes to Lake Oroville, which we hear has some real good fishing.
Since Bob loves to fish that is ideal.

We met a coupl;e of residents while we were visiting the park and it seems we will fit in. Thye have a clubhouse and activities every day.

If we don't want to do thast we can go to one of the casinos! Or some of the other venues.
Oroville takes good care of its seniors.

We joked because we got caught in rush hour traffic one evening. Rush hour in Oroville meant it took 20 minutes to get through town instead of 10-15!

I have been and will be busy trying to get the house in as good as shape as possible before we list.

I have discovered internet shopping and have had the best fun shopping for Christmas as well as what I need to help me here.

I can't believe its coming up on 1 year I will have lived in California.
It sure has been a whirlwind!

I haven't experienced the depression I usually have at this time of year. I have experienced the pain I have when its gloomy and damp and colder.

I have spent the last year adjusting to not having chaos and confusion in my life.
I have spent the last year in a lot of isolation yet it has been healthy.

Its enabled me to get a clear picture of what was valuable to me and where the toxicity in my life came from.
I have forgiven and moved forward.

Even with the children of mine who choose for whatever reasons to disassociate with me, I have forgiven.
I questioned, grieved and went through all the emotions one goes through when there is a loss.
I have moved forward.

I can't change them; I can only change how I react to them.

The lesson for me was to learn boundaries and to focus on those who have a positive impact on my life.
The same with siblings and friends.

I knew I made major strides when recently Oscar contacted me through e-mail and I felt nothing towards him.
I didn't feel love or hate; just indifferent.

I no longer live in fear of what may happen. Or fear of what has happened.

I celebrate the joy in my life every day and there is much joy to celebrate.

God is good. Time does heal. There is a season for everything.
I think I have left the winter of my life and am entering into the spring.

The winter was cold, gloomy and a time to be dormant.
The spring is a rebirth, a renewed interest in life and all there is to accomplish.

So even though the calendar and weather patterns say its wintertime, in my personal life its sunny and the new growth is budding!

Maybe this is a bipolar moment but I don't think so.
I think its just a moment and that makes me smile to realize there is a difference.

MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com

This is just too funny!

MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com

The Leagacy project

In Dear Abby yesterday this site was mentioned and its an awesome project.
http://www.warletters.com/mission/index.html
I couldn't go without mentioning it here so that others could find this resource.

I, myself need to preserve e-mails to hard copy and archive them so they are saved.

Peruse the letters and be in touch with part of your history.

Blogging--A New Leisure Option

BusinessWeek online points to an AP article about how bloggling has become a new leisure option for senior citizens. Anyone care to comment?

Blogging--A New Leisure Option

Veteran's Day

Today is the day we Americans take to honor our Vetrans, past and present.

I am proud to take part in this celebration.
I have a son who is serving this country on the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy today.
It is with immense pride that I honor him as well as all the Veterans I personally have known and those I haven't.

This country is what is today because of the selfless service all those men and women have given since its inception.
From the Revolutionary War up to todays' War in Iraq many average, everyday people have stepped up to the plate and put on a uniform in defense of our freedoms.

Tonight I sit here and think of the families who have given service by standing alongside their family member and sacrificed peace of mind, time at family gatherings, a hug and kiss at night, a wink at an inside joke, and many more everyday feeling too numerous to mention in support of their loved one.

At this moment I don't know exactly where in the world my own son is. I know he would much rather be home in Texas raiding the refrigerator, playing with his dog, getting ready for a date with his fiancee, talking to his sister, taking a nap, being told to take out the trash, having to report tomorrow for a civilian job.

I remember the first time I saw him in uniform.
I was awestruck. He was my personal hero. I knew what it took for him to wear that uniform.
He had not had it easy those few years previous to enlisting.
We had watched the events of 9/11 and knew the graphic reality of what wearing that uniform meant.

And my next feeling seeing him in that uniform was trepidation. he was my baby; my last born.
His whole life up to that moment flashed before me.
I saw the tiny infant that fought to be grown up even at one day old. I saw the little baby crawling around who chipped his first tooth on the bathtub.
I saw the 2 yr. old who went down in my driveway and his heart stopped and his Dad had to give him CPR.
I saw the little boy who loved his doll, Lester.
I saw the little skinny legged tyke wearing the red boots and making up the most awesome stories.
I saw the little guy that would sneak his finger into the chocoalte cake icing thinking he wasn't caught.
I saw the older boy who was so interested in what everyone else did for a job and curious to know if he could grow up to do the same thing.

I saw the scared 6 yr. old who accidentally set fire to my bedroom playing with a lighter and I later took to the Fire Marshall to put the fear of God in him.

I saw the 8 yr. old boy in a Cub Scout uniform having his first and only birthday party in our humble home.
I saw the 10 yr. old who had an accident on his bike when the handlebar and front wheel came off and we had to rush him to the hospital.

I saw the 12 yr. old trying to tell me a yarn when i found a Playboy magazine hidden in his pillowcase!
I saw the 14 yr. old taken away in handcuffs because he had been accused of something another family did but wouldn't take responsibility for.

I saw the young man who assisted his family through their personal tradegy because of a flood.
I saw the young man who thought I didn't know was drinking and cussing and thought he was all grown up.

I saw the young man who got in trouble because the "friends" he chose were the wrong crowd.
I saw the uninspired, depressed, wandering young male with no sense of direction in his late teens and early 20's.

I saw the compassion he had for others in times of need. the desperation and hopelesness he had when too many school friends died through drunk driving and suicide.

I saw the battles a young man and his mother went through.
I saw the love he had for the first girl he was ever really serious about and watched it unfold.

And that day I saw in him a fear deep inside because he knew in a matter of days he was being sent off to a farawy place without family or friends nearby and the unknown before him. That place was called Afganisistan. We were looking for some lunatic we really didn't know much about named Osama Bin Laden. And his ship was going to support that mission.

I also saw a pride he hadn't known up to that point as neighbors and friends gave him the recognition due him for donning that uniform.

Today I am proud of him for his service as an American yet as his Mother I am scared, uneasy and anxious and miss him tremendously.

My story is one of thousands. my story is not unique.
Mothers all across this country have their own story to tell.
Iam proud to be an American and PJ, I am proud of you.

Happy birthday PJ!

Today my "baby" is 25 yrs old.

He has been such a blessing to me; not always were there good times but even when there rough times we learned together what "through thick and thin" meant.

The pregnancy was very difficult; I was in and out of the hospital 28 times to stop labor from week 6 on.

His was the longest pregnancy of the four; he was due the 19th of Novemner and was born the 9th.
The doctors had told me he would be the biggest; more than 6 lbs. All the others were under 5 lbs.
Well, they were wrong. He was the smallest at 5lbs 3 ozs and 17 inches long.

He was so tiny; 5 inches longer than a ruler. I had to cut newborn Pampers in half and use masking tape for diapers until i got hooked up with P&G for preemie Pampers.
His little butt fit into the heel of my hand; newborn sleepers were swimming on him. His feet came to the crotch and I would pin up the legs to the back of the sleepers at the shoulders!

He was the first of mine born in the winter; the first with reddish hair.
I had dreamed of someday having a redheaded, freckle faced little tyke and I guess God knew he would be the last so he gave me PJ as a special gift.

Dan had made me promise if the new baby was another sister we would adopt a "brother" for him; I was happy to call early that Monday morning before school and announce "we have a brother"!

Dan and Steph were at their Dad's and Mandy was at a friend's house. My family was scattered.

I remember the day PJ was born; it was a Sunday. I had been sent home -again- from the hospital with instructions to get to the hospital as fast as i could if I went into labor again.
They discovered the placenta was front and he was in an abnormal breech position.

They instructed me if my water broke I would have 15 minutes to get to the hospital before the placenta would try to come first and the baby and I could hemmorage to death.
This was in the very early days of HMO's and unfortunately they aren't a lot better today.

I pleaded with them to let me stay; we lived 25 minutes away by ambulance.
I was so scared and pissed off.

So the contractions started and I went to my best friend Joyce's house down the street from Dan and Steph's Dad to wait. I was determined this time when Ii finally entered that hospital they weren't going to send me away.
So I endured contractions until they were 2 minutes apart before I left for the hospital.

I was sick of the in and out and sick of my family being interupted and living apart and wanted some semblance of normalcy back to our lives.

So they gave me the epidureal saying it wouldn't be long but then the doc got an emergency C-section which tied him up for awhile.
Meanwhile they were waiting for the water to break; they didn't believe me that it never broke on its own.

By the time the doc came back and examined me I could tell by the look on his face that something was amiss.
The water was now protruding and he had to take by hypodermic needle.

When he completed he looked at the clock as it was past 11:30 PM and asked if I wanted to wait until "tommorow".
I said, " hell no, lets get this show on the road!' And PJ was born at 11:39.

He was sent into the neonatal PICU right away because of his size.
He was an exact replica of his Dad as Dan had been of his Dad.

Right before delivery I was given another epidureal because the first one had worn off.
It took effect in the recovery room. I remeber being so cold and shaking when the pediatrcian came in to tell me " he may be little but he has all his working parts and he's using them".

I told the pediatrician I thought maybe he was born to be a Marine! Ironic, when he grew up he wanted to be a Marine but ended in the Navy instead.

When he was little he would say he and I were gonna get married when he was 37! And he would buy me a Winnebago and we'd go camping all our married time!

He was given red snowboots by his Grandma in Ohio when he was 3. ( we lived in TX).
He loved those boots. Our next door neighbor nicknamed him Rambo Red Boots. here he was this skinny little guy with the heart of a Giant.

He had the most wonderful imagination. He would make up the most interwesting, fascinating stories.
He had been given a doll he named Lester for Christmas. Lester was his responsibility and he took it serious!

Through the years he was the one I would get called to school about; he was the one who had run-ins with the police but he was still my wonderful PJ.

Now, he's all grown up and serving out country; I don't talk to him. His choice.

Family dynamics are such that our family is disjointed now.
The only one of my kids who keeps in touch is Dan.

I just want PJ to know that whereever he is today his Mommy is thinking of him and wishing him nothing but the best.

Maybe someday I will get to bake another cake and he can run his finger through the icing and I will pretend I didn't know it was him.

trip to Oroville

Last weekend Bob and I took a trip to Oroville, CA to see his cousin and check out the community.
http://oroville-city.com/

Bob will be retiring after the new year and he wants to retire to Oroville.

Oroville is a community of approximately 12-13ooo people near the foothills of the Sierra Mtns. its about an hour north of Sacramento.

Its big enough to have a Wal-Mart but not large enough for a Target! Actually, it has about anything you could really need and most of what you'd want.

The town gets its name from the early settlers who came for the gold rush.The saying "in them thar hills " would be appropriate.

Lake Oroville is right on the outskirts of town. The dam was created about 35 yrs ago.

There is a lot of historic preservation in town; they still have the Chinese temple used by all the Chinese immigrants who worked there during the gold rush.Those people eventually left and took jobs with the railroads when the gold mining ceased.

The climate is Meditterean and therefore there is a large olive grove near the area.
Another industry is a cannery that is supported by the salmon and other fishes found in the Lake.

It can get as hot as 110 degrees in the summer and has snowed a few times during the 25 years bob's cousin has lived there.
There is more of a season change because its further north than the Bay area.

There are a couple casinos in town; one of which we visited Friday night.That was my first visit to a casino.
We enjoyed a fabulous seafood buffet before we took in a little entertainment and playing the slot machines.I was more of an observer;Bob won enough back from the Wheel Of Fortune slot to recoup our expenses for the evening.

Saturday we toured the city to get a feel for the community starting with one of the restaurants that boast a $1.99 breakfast. We ended up choosing a $3.99 breakfast which was terrific.
It was a nice restaurant with good food and great service and very friendly.
I joked that we could still eat there after retirement even though we both were on fixed incomes!

Oroville is in a valley surrounded by the mtns.Very scenic.
we found a couple over 55 senior mobile home parks to further investigate.One won an award in 2003 for being the best park that year.it was amazingly clean, well organized, and landscaped.
The other, and the one we may choose, was older but equally as nice but more wooded and rustic; just a short distance from the Lake.

Neither of us wants the upkeep of a yard or other related expenses or chores so that is why we are thinking of going in that direction.
It would be hard to find a small lot; most have acreage involved.

His cousin lives on 2 acres and although it was nice to visit there we both know it would be more than we would want to be responsible for at this stage in our lives.

We met a few people while there; one couple lives on the adjoining acreage next to marty and operate a fruit stand on the conjoined driveways.
They leave apples in cartons at the fruit stand and everyone is on the honor system to leave their $2.00 in a box provided. thye have never had a problem with someone not paying or stealing the money.

Another relative, husband of Martys late husbands ex-wife came by to use the telephone to report his phone was out. He was recently out of the hospital with a heart condition and needed his service working so the phone company agreed to get someone to fix it that day. Try that in a big city!

I saw my first wood pellet stove. It seems to be an efficient source of heat and apparantly everyone has them there.

The trip went too fast and I look forward to the possibility of living there soon.

update on Pamela Vitale case

Today in my local paper is a picture of Scott Dyleski who is charged with Pam's murder.

I am so outraged that he is trying to now pass himself off as this clean cut, well rounded, all American kid.

He is so far from that its beyond description.

He is a calculating, evil spirited Monster and animal.

Yes he may be disturbed but I personally know a few people who are disturbed and they aren't the vicious killer this animal is.

He is a classic sociopath in my opinion. He has no conscience, no moral standard, no spiritualness that would or could redeem him.

He is a classic example of an abuser.

He plotted a credit card scheme to faciliate a marijuana operation. He invaded the privacy of neighbors. This was calculated and perperated over a period of time.

Someone got in his way; his "perfect" plan had imperfections.
He manipulated the situation to be in his favor. Aand he manipulated others to hide his imperfections.

He is without fault in his mind because he had a few bad breaks in his life.

Now, his mother is in jail for assisting his escape and not accepting resposnsibility for his actions.

Its reported after this crime he went to his girlfriends house to have sex. And if that isn't sick and demented I don't know what is.

This week even more details were given in this crime against Pam. More details that prove the brutality of this Monster.

It wasn't enough to beat her to death; she was stabbed in her abdomen, a cut 4 inches deep.

That takes force; it wasn't an accident.

The repeated blows to the head that crushed her skull were evidence of someone in a fit of rage.

A big screen TV was moved from its spot in the midst of this struggle.

I am so proud of her to have put up a valiant fight to the end. It will be her words, voice, look in her eyes, her energy that will haunt him the rest of his life.

She was smart. She gathered all the evidence she could in those final moments to help solve this crime. She made sure there were clues left behind.

I believe this Monster led a life of evil and Pam led a life of good and in the end good won out over evil.

She was planning her dream home to every detail; she was planning on attending the ballet later that day.

That tells me something about the gentleneness and spirit of this woman.

No, he is not a clean cut All American young man. And I am so sick of defense teams that attempt to portray their clients in such a way.

If he was proud to be Goth on the outside before he was locked up he should be proud to continue that image. However, isn't it ironic that the manipulater gets manipulated?

Isn't it ironic in this case of ironies that the person who calculated all the details and rebelled against authority now has to succumb to authority?

Isn't it ironic that this evil person will now try to prey upon the symphaty of 12 people whom he
would have felt superior to in the outside world?
And isn't it ironic that because of his age he can't get the death penalty so he will hear and see pam's image for many. many. many years to come?

The only good I can find is that he is off the streets and will not harm anyone else.
Someone capable of this could only get worse. He was most likely capable of being a serial killer in the future.

Each time someone got in his way or couldn't be manipulated they would have been disposable.

There are probably some who will feel sorry for him because of his age. I don't.

I've known people who grew up in dire circumstances but yet chose right from wrong.

This was not someone mentally challenged. He was bright. He had resources available to him.
He used his intelligence the wrong way.

My heart goes out to the family of Pam Vitale. I can only imagine their horror and loss.

My regret that they have had and will continue to have this case confront them for the unforseeable future.

My sorrow for them that they have had to lose such an intregal person in their lives.

My sympathy is for this family; not some conjured symphathy for a display of intended manipulation of a person who is made to look more human.

Murder solved and other news

As many may know a 16 yr old young man was arrested in the Pamela Vitale murder.

It is such a tragic story as all are but the ironies in this case make it stand out.

This boy was a neighbor whose mother had been helped pro bono by Dan Horrowitz, Pamela's husband.

She was beaten and bludgeoned 39 times in the head by a piece of crown moulding and another piece of lumber from the dream house she and her husband were having built.

This dream home was designed by her and every square inch of it was planned in detail by her.
This home would have been completed 4 months ago had the builder not become ill. The home was going to equipped with every conceivable security measure due to the nature of Dan's work.
Had she lived in the dream home the boy would not have gained access to the property.

This young man had become involved with a Goth cult after his sister was killed in a car accident a couple of years ago.
He is apparently a very bright young man.
He took his GED test last year and was attending a local college.
He is a former Boy Scout.

He left her with a Gothic cross he slashed into her back; almost as a signature.
Then, when finished proceeded to go take a long shower and get something to drink before leaving this home.

The motive apparently was involved in a credit card scheme he ans some friends were perpetrating on some neighbors.
They gained access to accounts and it's reported he was expecting a shipment of equipment to be delivered to the property of the Hoorowitz family;a shipment needed to use for the purposes of culivating a marijuana farm.

The crime scene was horrific and Dan has stated "she put up a hell of a fight". I'm quite sure that fight helped solve this crime.

Here is this man who vehemently is a defender of defendants and has had to experience this horrendous crime to the woman he loved.

He knew what he was witnessing when he entered the home and found her.How surreal to have viewed so many crime scene photographs and to see one from your eyes in your own home with your own loved one.

On one hand he was the surviving, grieving husband and the other he was the criminal defense attorney protecting a crime scene.

Anther irony was the case that took him away from his home early that morning was another high profile murder case in the neighboring community.

And because he was considered a suspect all his data from that case was confiscated. So what happens now?
The very department that investigated the other murder now has access to priveleged information.
The coroner that did the other autoposy was the same one who did Pamela's.
One of the defense claims was that the autoposy was botched; so that coroners professional opinions will be brought to light in both murder cases.

How does Susan Polk get a fair trial when the other side now has access to all her priveleged information?

By all accounts both Dan and Pamela were giving, loving, generous people and didn't flaunt their wealth or notoriety but used it to help others.And one of the others was the very one who took her life.


Another news story from the Bay area that has received some attention is the mother who threw her 3 children off Pier 7 in San Fransisco.
She is reported to be a victim of domestic vilence and is mentally ill.
Conflicting reports say she either went off her meds or was taken off.
Now, 3 children are dead in another horrific crime.

The same day a young adult, reportd to again be mentally ill chose to speed in front of a school with children walking home and hit a parked car that was shoved into a crowd of children and a brother and sister were killed and several others critically injured.
One report said he was known to not like young children.

But on a brighter note a young woman was surfboarding in the Bay and was attacked by a shark but has miraculously survived.She was a centimeter of losing her life.Had the shark bit her one centimeter from where it did it would have hit her juggular vein.
She was rescued and is expected to go home today.


And the really bright spot in my news is ---The Astros!

First time in franchise history they are going to the World Series.

Everyone expects the White Sox to win but Iwouldn't rule out the 'stros. tthey got to where they did by holding up in clutch circumstances.

Roger Clemens Mom on the day she died predicted that day that the Astros would win 10-2 and
he was scheduled to pitch that night. He told his sister it would be a miracle because all season they hadn't given him any real run support. they won, 10-2.

She claimed to have seen Shoeless Joe talk to her 4 X's that day and he told her it would be the White sox and the Astros in the series. At that time both teams were struggling and it wasn't a shoe in if they would even be in the playoffs.

I am a lifelong baseball fan; bred into me by my Mother.
I can remeber hearing many games on our little green Westinghouse radio that had the two gold knobs and the melted spot on top.

I see my mother ironing listening to the game as I write this! She was a Reds fan through and through.
We even wondered the year she died if she wasn't hanging on to make sure her Reds and her Pete Rose won the series.

So now we have my Mom and Rogers Mom in heaven and although my Mom might not be an Astros fan shee will be rooting for the National League.

So don't rule out those Astros just yet. the power of prayer between a Mom and the Big guy can be pretty powerful!

From my lips to my Mom's energy to God's ears there can be hope!

Go Astros!

In memory of Pamela Vitale

Today, I dedicate this post to the memory of Pamela Vitale; a woman I did not know but wish I had.

As many who have watched the news recently know there has been a high profile murder case here in Contra Costa County.

It is the case of Susan Polk, a woman who is accused of murdering her husband; she claims its was self defense.

Just to refresh, this is the case of the woman who had been her husban's patient and by all accounts an affair strted when she was 15 years old.

The accounts I have read and based on my own personal knowlege of domestic violence , her case appears to be classic.

Her attorney was Daniel Horowitz. He was Pamela Vitale's husband.

In the most bizarre, twisted, unusual, contorted, heart wrenching set of circumstances the two families became more intertwined than anyone could have ever guessed when he took this case.

Mr. Horowitz himself became a statistic of violent crime Saturday.

He came home from an all day session preparing for Susan's trial to find his wife brutally and viciously murdered in their doorway.

By every account this family was epitome of love, support, graciousness, kindness, emphathy, supportive, caring and helpful.

Although they were a high profile family they were also top notch people.

Everything i have read and heard on Pamela Vitale has been nothing but good.
Not that anyone would deserve to die so tragically, but she certainly didn't.

No one can dispute that they were a couple very much in love; supported each other in every way;lived their lives to represent the way they felt towards each other.

They were in the process of building a grand home, their dream home.It may seem ostentatious to those of us who don't live that lifestyle but they had earned it- together.

I see the image of her face in print and in the TV screen and just know she was a warm and kind and fun person.

You see that smile and wish you could have heard the laugh that came with it.

The world was a better place because she was here and will miss something now because she isn't.

The same law enforcement department that has investigated the Polk case is now under way investigating this case. The same coroner that did the autoposy in the Ppolk case had to perform the task of the autoposy in this case. The same courthouse that Mr. Horowitz had walked into as a defender of the defense in the Polk case will someday enter that building as the grieving husband and prosecution witness in another high profile case.

The ironies are too much for words.

Right now, we in this community just think of him as another victim in the ongoing horrendous wave of crime in this country.
He isn't a high profile attorney but a grieving husband who has lost the love of his life.

His life will never be the same with Pamela's loss and the community will never be the same because she is no longer present in this community.

Today, my thoughts and prayers go out to this family and every family who has become a victim of crime in any form.

To Pamela, you are in a better place but you will be sorely missed.

Word Verification for Comments

Hi everyone. I've just stopped by to inform you that I've enabled word verification for comments. I've noticed some comment spam showing up here.

For those that don't like it, I have one thing to ask: hunt down and kill each and every comment spammer!

Comment spam = bad
Good comment from actual human = good

Okay, I'm done. Now back to your regular blogging!

P.S. You can stop by to see what I'm up to at Journey Inside My Mind.

Dan's podcast on domestic violence walkathon

I am amazed at the talent and expertise my son Dan had in putting this podcast together.

I don't say this because he is my son; it is of similar quality as you would find in a network broadcast.

It is emotional, uplifting, informative and puts a face so to speak on this issue.

What a tribute and testament to Cheryl Dawson and the life she led. And its in celebration of her life that is inspiring and the facts surrounding her murder at the hands of one who professed to love that are poignant.

Unfortunately, Cheryl was one of many. I didn't know her personally but I know her. In listening to the comments by those who did know her personally I got a glimpse of who she really was.

Cheryl was more than a domestic violence statistic.
She was a wife, Mom, daughter, friend, employee, church member. she lived in a community that was like any other community.

She was educated. In many ways she was abnormally normal.

Inside her day to day life she lived a horrible existence. She lived in fear, desperation, isolation; she attempted to change her circumstances and for that she was murdered in broad daylight on a busy downtown street.

Her story is too often repeated.

The most dangerous time for a woman who is a domestic violence situation is when she has taken action to leave those circumstances.


Unless and until we all rise up to educate ourselves about the Cycle of Violence her story and those of too many will be repeated.

The victims of domestic violence are not just the statistic who has a name and face and life.
We are all victims.
We are robbed of living in a society where families live harmoniously. Children grow up witnessing not only unspeakable acts but the loss of dignity and serenity.

Not every case of domestic violence is as dramatic as Cheryl's.

Some just live with the day to day barage of verbal assualt.Some live with financial restrictions.
Some live with loss of freedom, independance and control. Some live with educational restriction. some live with the the just the threat of these things.

What is common throughout is the powerlessness. Domestic Violence is insidious.
It hardly ever starts out to be as big as it ends up.

A rude comment said in jest; a comment about how long it took to return from the store said with a sense of love that the person just missed your presence.

A conversation that your friends don't have your best interest at heart but the person who claims to love does.And those comments become convincing until you doubt your own judgement.
An isolation from family convincing you that your people just don't like this person and you took a vow to cleave unto him.

The way you dress or wear makeup or style your hair is brought into question and to please you transform yourself into the person he wants you to be.

Comments are made that question your sexuality and your ability to mother; your femininity is devalued.

Often, these are the same comments you heard as a child made to your mother. Although unpleasant they seem normal.

If you were brought up in a home that abuse was normal abuse will look normal in your home.

Being a nurturing female you want to please so you are the one who accomodates. You feel responsible because the males in your life told you that you are.

These things happen long before the first slap.

And often the its some time before the first slap turns into a punch, a kick, a shove.

And he is always sorry and you choose to believe it because by then you are not only beaten up, you are also beaten down.

The promises are made that it will never happen again and it doesn't, ---until the next time.
And the next time happens more frequent until its an everyday occurence and in its insanity it also begins to appear "normal".

Meanwhile you have retreated into a place inside yourself that no one knows exists trying to hang on.

Its always your fault.Its the if only's, the you should or shouiln't haves, the I wishes.

Its always I love you, but....

And one day you through the grace of God Almighty decide to end it.

It may be because of your children; it may be because someone got through to you. it may be for a reason you don't even know how to articulate.

The human spirit is fragile yet resourceful.

There is fear and trepidation along with exhilaration and excitement.

Get in touch with a women's center, have a safety plan.
Help is available.
There can be life away from abuse. I know.I'm living it.

Its a journey. its a struggle. Its difficult.

Yet its the life free from condemnation that is the rainbow waiting for you.

Hello from Dan, Jennie, and Keisha

Hi, this is Dan, momentarily hi-jacking this blog to encourage you to check out my blog, where I've talked (literally, if you listen to the podcast) about Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The picture you see above is of me and my family at the YWCA in Cincinnati this past Saturday.

I'm going to hand control of this blog back to my Mom now. Bye!

Pedophiles- we are after you

Watching the Oprah Winfrey show was such a moving, powerful experience.

She has called for this nation to rise up and say enough is enough when it comes to pedophiles being allowed to walk our streets, steal and rape and murder our children.I, for one, intend to stand and be counted.

http://www2.oprah.com/index_du.jhtml

go to this link for all the information.

As I have said most of my life and hearing Oprah say it today just furthers the validity there is no such thing as a recovering pedohile.

They are not rehabilitated; they are warehoused and let out, assuming they are even caught, only to victimize over and over and over again.

She gave an example of one of these animals who has spent his time in jail writing journals in explicit detail as to how with precision he will reoffend.

As a nation we all need to be so sick of this that we rise up in the streets and demand an end to this.
Its not someone else's child.They are our children. We each are responsible.It takes a village.

And until this country decides it doesn't matter if its your son, husband, father, uncle, cousin, nephew or brother that is the pedohile and they need to be stopped it will continue and it will become even more heinous.

A few years ago we were shocked and appalled that a child would be abducted from her home from her own bed; raped and killed and left like last weeks trash waiting to be found .

We tolerate it still today because we have not risen up and said "NO MORE".

We need a national policy that one crime and you are improsined for the rest of you natural life in these cases.

And personally to me thats getting off easy.

These predators are no more than diabolical anim,als stalking prey.

One recent case the predator watched the family inside their home with night vision goggles to learn their movements.
This literally sickens me.My stomach turns when I think of it.

I was a victim of a pedohile within my own family.And it went on and on and on.

Why did it happen to me?
Only because I was available and weaker did it happen to me.It happened to other family members. Later another family member victimized me in a different way.

A nephew assaulted a boy that was like a grandson to me in my home. I had him arrested.Since then he has reoffended again, more than once.
We found out that time in my home wasn't his first offense.And, that he was a victim of his brother and who victimized the brother?

Its enough. It has to stop. its become a national epidemic.If this were a killer virus we would all be up in arms.

Right now. over 100,000 sex offenders are roaming the streets unaccounted for because they violated their parole.

Each one of the crimes we have heard and read about in recent years it wasn't the first time this person committed this type of act.
Some have repeat histories of 25 years or more. And they get more heinous each time they act.

Think about that the next time you look into a childs face. Look them into the eye and say out loud "I couldn't care about you because I am too busy with my own life".

If we had to do that each and every time we saw a child anywhere, it would stop.

So all pedophiles everywhere across this country- tag your it now.
We are coming after you. Now, you will be hunted down for the animal you are.
You can't find a place that someone in this country won't recognize you.
You are outed as of now.

You want to play dirty; well ,we will match you at your own game.

However devious you may be we will know.We will be watching. We will know your sick, deviant behavior and you can be locked up with other animals just like you.
Maybe if you are lucky you will be in solitary confinement because the most hated criminal is prison is a pedohile.
Even the worst criminals despise you.

Your face will be plastered on TV, billboards and any other medium we can find.
Just like an exterminator spraying a fog for roaches you will be found; you will be hunted down; you will be snuffed out.

America is pissed off and is fighting back. And its about damn time.