The computer system here is terrible. It can take literally an hour to get my E-mail and send one off. That is if all goes well.
The holidays are past and like growing up it was dysfunctional!
There are all kinds here. The " shelter hoppers " are the ones I like the least. They are liars, manipulators, lazy, etc.
There are a few women here who demonstrate so much courage I am humbled to know them.
they are here in protective custody from other states. you would know it as the witness protection program.
One family has been in shelters for 2 years and another that I know of for 7 months.
The life stories of these families is horrendous. Small children have seen so much horror.
One very small child barely in school attempted suicide.
Satan knows no bounds to steal, kill and destroy.
I am the oldest one here and some have tried to adopt me as " Mom ". I have to tell them I have 4 of my own and I am here because of the consequences of my own actions.
All I can tell them is here is what I've done, this was the outcome and this is what I think I should have done different.
Some have wanted to call me a friend.
as i told them we are not friends. Twio weeks ago i didn't know you and you didn't know me. In a few weeks max we will leave here and maybe never see each other again.
There are a couple that I've said we are maybe begining to develpo a friendship but it is so far from that now.
I told one girl one night that how did she know that what I said my name was was really my name?
I could be Susy Smith and just got out of prison for murder. She really didn't know.
I want them to stop and think.
Part of the reason I am here is I was too trusting over my lifetime. Looking for something from an outside source that I should have found inside me.
Many times when the drama starts I have to to stand up and say " my name ain't Wes and I ain't in this mess."
I have never not known abuse. I was born into it.
That is why it was hard to recognize it as it was. It looked normal to me.
The capacity for human beings to hurt each other knows no bounds.
I am learning that love may hurt but it should never harm.
I didn't know there was a difference.
I went through the county mental health system and I am now on a waiting list that can take 6 months to 2 years until my # comes up.
If I were to get real bad I would be sent to the state mental hospital which has horror stories because it is a forensics hospital.
It is archaic.
That is scary.
So far I am doing prety good considering.
I know my symptoms and am watching them carefully.
I also believe my God can open doors that would otherwise be shut.
i am daily trying to find alternatives to this mental health system.
In this state if you are indigent mental health care is almost nonexistent. Primary health care is a tad better but not by much.
For welcoming in the New Year the kids were allowed to stay up and I organized a bunny hop through the house. We had 3 new intakes that had come in around 11. I got them and there kids to hop too!
They probably wondered what they had gotten into!
It was a purely impulsive manic thing to do but it didn't harm anyone.
We all have chores here and as in any " fmily " there are the ones who try to not do theirs.
there is one woman here who will really speak her mind. She doesn't let them get away with it.
Cigarette bumming or trying to " borrow " money is another big manipulation factor here.
We have a real thief among us. We know who it is we just can't catch her in the act.
but everyone is on to her.
We have had a few who have been " exited ". That's there soft way of saying kicked out.
When you are exited you have one hour to be out and they don't care where you end up. You aren't their problem.
Its pretty strict. I worry that I am going to do something impulsive in a manic state and end up on the street.
A person would be hard pressed to follow anything like the Atkins Diet here. I have never seen such a gathering of carbohydrates as I have here,
I am not ungrateful.
I am thankful to have something to eat.Sometimes there isn't enough but we always make sure the kids get first. again, the manipulators don't care.
The staff that helps us get a lot of the paperwork to get a place or other resources has been out since before I got here. They are supposed to be back Monday.
What little I accomplished I kind of figured out on my own through trial and error.
I will be glad when i no longer have to be here.
I don't understand the people who do this all the time.
So, now I will have a little cheese with my whine!
I hope everyone's holidays were great and wish everyone a blessed New year.
Thanks for the encouraging comments and PLEASE keep me in your prayers.