Friday, September 19, 2003

I read with great interest the bipolar support blog that is indexed with my blog.
What a terrible turmoil this family faces.
I remember when it all came to a head for me. I had just 3 days prior given my youngest daughter the wedding of her dreams with no help. I had enlisred help but those I asked did not come forward to help. An example was the ceremony was to be at 10:30 AM. At 6 AM I was at the location doing the tasks the groom and his groomsmen were to do the night before.They even spent the night there to get this stuff done and then didn't do it. They decided to get drunk instead.
At 10:10 I was driving back down the street to my condo to get dressed. The mother of the bride wore no makeup or jewelry; did not have a shower and her hair was not fixed.
The father of the bride's " friend " who was also supposed to be my friend was on time and beautifully put together. She was one of the ones I enlisted to help and didn't.
I had her shower of 50+ people in my one bedroom condo 2 days before.We had people stuffed everywhere. Outside up the steps, down the walk,out in the parking lot, etc. She wanted a couples shower and her older sister was supposed to be giving it and all I was supposed to have to do was provide the place. Wrong. The sister didn't even show up until 30 minutes after it was supposed to start and then somehow it was my fault that it fell into disarray.
I gave the rehearsal dinner at a Tex-Mex place we ate at for years. The grooms family was from out of town and suggested I pick a place that could accomodate everyone. There was something for everyone on the menu and there was beer and margaritas for those that wanted alcohol.
We took up the whole back room. I had relatives from out of town come in but barely had time to visit.
The grooms family didn't pay the bill so I did and was glad I could.
When my daughter was getting ready ro say her vows I reached for my husband's hand and he shook it off.
We had been separated but reconciled 4 months before at his request.
Then 3 days after the wedding he informed me he was leaving me for this other woman and had played with me to get through the wedding.
I attempted suicide. I was serious. I was calm. I didn't tell him what I did. I can only remember thinking that I just wanted the pain to stop.
Its kind of comical but I found out when he realized what I had done ( after I went unconscious) he actually got into his car and drove to Walgreens and waited for the pharmacist to help him find syrup of ipetac and then came home and administered it to me.
He was a trained EMT and should have known you don't induce vomiting on an unconscious person. Well, it didn't work and he had to break down and call 911 an hour and 11 minutes after I ingested the pills. He had wanted to avoid that because we were both affiliate with the fire department and he didn't want a " scandal".
After I was moved to the nut house he and the kids and new son-in-law came to see me once and the first thing he said was "did I know it was 55 miles one way to this place"?
I answered him " no, I sure didn't as I was my view was restricted to seeing where I'd been from the back doors of an ambulance however, I was just fine, thank you for asking."
I was such an embarrasment to them. Still am.
So for me to see that Kyle's family supports him is so refreshing.
Actually, at the nut house I met Oscar and we have now lnown each other 4 years. Its been up and down and in between. He saved my life.
I love him in a way I don't love anyway else in the world.
He'll say I'm crazy and I always remind him where he met me. It isn't that I tried to keep it a secret.
That time began the period I call the journey into my new life. I finally was diagnosed correctly. I began a 3 year journey into learning about what wrong meds can do to me and how uncaring some in the mental health profession don't always have our best interest at heart but their own.
I saw my family for who they were and not how I wanted them to be and accepted it.
I accepted all that was wrong with me.
I began to understand me.
I began my road back to sanity.

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