Is your relationship based on power and control?
Physical and sexual assualts, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic violence and sre usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem.
However, trgu7lar use of other abusive behaviors by the batterer , when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, makeup a larger system of abuse.
Although physical assualts may occur only once or occassionally, they instill threat of future abuse or violent attacks and allow the abuser to take control of the woman's life and circumstances.
The Power and Control Diagram is particularlarly
helpful in understanding the overall pattern of abusive behaviors which are used by a batterer to establish and maintain control over his partner.
Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of these and other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.
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The Power and Control Wheel
-Intimidation-
Making her afraid by using looks, actions and gestures; smashing things;destroying her property;abusing her pet(s);displaying weapons;
-Emotional Abuse-
putting her down; making her feel bad about herself; calling her names; making her think she is crazy; playing mind games;humiliating her;making her feel guilty;
-Isolation-
contolling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads and where she goes;limiting her outside involvemement; usiing jealousy to justify actions;
-Minimimizing,Denying,&Blaming-
making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting the responsibility for abusive behavior; saying she caused it;
-Using Children-
making her feel guilty about the children by telling her she is is a bad parent or by telling her the children need a two parent home; threatening to hurt the children; using the children to relay messages;using visitation to harass her; threatening to take the children away;
-Economic Abuse-
preventing her from getting or keeping a job; making her ask for money; giving her an allowance ;taking her money;not letting her know about or have access to fmily income;
-Male Privelege-
treating her like a servant;making all the big decisions; acting like the " master of the castle"; being the one to define men's and women's roles;
-Coercion and Threats-
making or carrying out threats to hurt her;
threathening to commit suicide or report her to welfare; making her drop charges;
making her do or participate in illegal things;
The Cycle of Violence
Phase 1-Tension arguing
Phase 2-Violence battering
Phase 3-Romance making up he is sorry it won't ever happen again
Phase 3-Romance