Tuesday, June 24, 2003

I am able to blog a little today. I have been on the computer already for a little while and I am feeling the discomfort.

I have taken the smaller doses of the Flexeril, one peice every hour and it seems to be helping a little bit. I don't want to take the whole thing at one time because of the drugged up feeling I have. I can't stand that.

I really reccomend the book, " Women living with Fibromyalgia ". I found it to be helpful and enlightening. I now some new info for my doctor when I see her next.

I am still having some anxiety about the bioposy; I have some encouraging thoughts sent to me from fellow bloggers. They are so good for my spirit. I now have others I can add to my intercessary ( ? sp) prayer list. That is something positive to do.
Of course I wonder when this flareup will end. I do my streching exercises every day.I also have " narrowing in my cervical and thoraxic parts of my spine. I am supposed to be reffered to apain clinic but I haven't heard back from the doctors office. I think maybe my Ohio Disability insurance won't pay unless the doctor gives a different description of the " pain".
I've waited this long, I will wait some more.

I appreciate my family here more than I can say.They are encouragers and try to understand what it is like for me. I haven't been the help that I would like to be and I feel terrible about it sometimes.
You know, I am the Mom, I should be the one taking care of things. I am so blessed to have a unique daughter-in-law. I refer to her as my daughter. The saying, I didn't lose a son, I gained a daughtrer is very true in my case. I love them very, very much.

My sister is having sort of a reunion July 6th to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, my nephew Ben's graduation and the adoption of their new daughter, DJ who is 5.
I found out at least one other sibling and my oldest neice will be there as well as a couple more neices and nephews. I am really excited. I haven't seen them since my Dad died in 1994.

The kids are all grown up with lives and families of their own. I used to have everyone at my house when all the grandchildren were small and my Dad was still alive. We had some fun times.

I have much to grateful for.I try to focus on what I have and not what I've lost. I have accepted that I am having the life I have not the one I planned. It was a process to get here.

I went to therapy today and a lot of the ususals were in the waiting area. My therapist asked me if I get anxiety while waiting because there are really sick people who come there. I answered no; I kind of enjoy observing them and thank God I haven't become that sick, yet.
She says I have done well and the next appointment will probably be my last.
She wanted me to agree to moving out to YWCA and then after 30 days I could apply for emergency housing to Red Cross. She said where they place you isn't in a good neighborhood but then I could get on a list for a better place.
I wanted to know how this was going to benefit me better than being with my family. I didn't get it. As long as the kids don't mind me being with them I want to be here. I enjoy the family and love the closeness that I now have with my granddaughter.
Sometimes I think these therapists have to have something to write down that makes them look like they are doing something.
When I lived in the Houston area there is a reporter, Marvin Zindler ( he is the one who shut down the infamous chicken ranch told in the movie " The Best Little Whoerhouse in Texas "). He used to do reports on nursing home abuse, and other social services problems. He would end it with his larger than life self and voive " as I always say, it's HELL to be poor "." Marvin Zindler,EYEwitness news".
Marvin has had more face lifts and plastic surgery than Zsa Zsa Gabor. I often wondered if he really knew the plight of the poor. At least he was an advocate. You could get things done if you threatened you were going to bring Marvin into it.

So, I am going to close for now. I am stiff and hurting.

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