Wednesday, June 04, 2003

I haven't been on the computer since Sunday. Have been feeling depression as well as fibromyalgia symptoms.

I have a combination of things to blog about if I can remember them all.

Dan had an experience last night that tore at my heart because I saw myself in that same position probably many hundreds if not thousands of times over my lifetime.
He rendered aid to a person who claimed to be a " Christian " man and got ripped off ( as well as his heart broken).
Oscar always told me I was too trusting and that people I considered to be friends were not. I was their friend but they weren't to me. Time and again over my lifetime I would trust someone and I would be scammed.
I knew what he was feeling and it broke my heart. It tore into my soul to know my child had to feel that kind of hurt and betrayal.
I have been where he and Jennie are so many times. Life happening to you while you had other plans. No money. Praying for an answer and then you think you got it only to be ripped apart again.
Some of it for me was naivete; some was that my very nature is to serve and be helpful. These sharks can pick us out and know we are easy prey.
I would give anything to have Oscar believe me now that I learned my lesson.
I didn't appreciate his wisdom or that he really knew me and was trying to protect me from myself.
I can even admit that there were a few times I felt God had let me down. Where was He when I needed Him? Shouldn't He have Known my good intentions?
I may have lost the love of the one person who really loved me because of my own stupidity. If I were to be given another chance I'm jumping on it like a frog on a June bug.
I am more thick skinned now. I am very cautious of people. And, I know my weakness and am acutely aware not to place my trust in anyone right now.
My best friend is in Texas and I probably lost that friendship at the expense of what I thought to be other friendships that turned out to be connivers.
Oscar, if you ever read this, I am so sorry.
I talked to Dan this morning and explained this a little. I guess you have to go through it and be hurt enough before it finally sinks in.

Dan was telling me over the weekend that McDonald's has a new breaded pork sandwich. I asked if they were calling it the " McPiggy"!

We have a chipmunk family living under the sidewalk out front. Its Mom, Dad and 2 kids. There are also rabbits around. About a month ago we found 2 baby bunnies down in the window well.
Jennie called the Museum ( or oohzeum as Keisha calls it) to find out what to do.They said to leave them alone and the mother would come back for them.
We listened to the expert advice and they died.I thought they were probably hopping alogside the house and accidentally fell in.And, I didn't see how a mother rabbit was going to get back out as the well was at least 2-3 feet deep. In fact, after #1 died we took the other one out and let it go. It was back in there the next day and dead.
listen to your gut instinct.

Yesterday, Keisha wanted to read me a Bible story. So she found the picture of Noah's Ark and was talking about it and then we heard " and Little Bo Peep had lost her sheep". Isn't it funny how kids will put bits and pieces together to come to their own conclusions?

She decided to take care of me since I wasn't feeling well. She got a washcloth and gave me a sponge bath. This was washing my face and hands and then my feet. You have to understand that she hates my feet so this was an extreme sacrifice on her part. After she wiped my feet she said " II have to go wash my hands"! I told her that was probably a good idea.
Then she brushed my hair. Then she wanted me to get up and take my cane and go play w/ her. I told her I couldn't. She then spotted something she had made at church sometime in a closet that the kids still have their things in. I told her she couldn't have it until her Mom came home and said it was OK. I didn't know if Jennie had it in the closet to save.
She didn't like me anymore. She was going to go watch TV.

And so it goes.

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