Thursday, July 03, 2003

I happened to notice the Mary's Hope link has changed. It is now
This issue is something I and others live with everyday of our lives. It doesn't control me however it has shaped my life. My perception of people is probably different than a person who did not have this experience.
I recall asking myself numerous times throughout my life, " is this a decision that a normal prrson would make"?
I have never felt " normal ".
Add in the bipolar issue and I have been a mixed up person.
One of my abusers is mentally ill also. I have compassion and empathy for him however I truly wish he hadn't done what he did to me and my sisters.
I have worked through the anger and shame and guilt and loss and rage associated with this issue.
I went through " the where was God while this was happening to us."
He was always there. I will say He did not " let " this happen. Evil was in this and my God is not about evil. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus came to give us Life.
I have a personal relationship with Him and am so comforted with His Word.
He has shown Himself to me in countless ways; yes, even in miracle situations. I have been blessed to know His love and peace.
I would offer my sisters ( not just blood sisters ) the same hope.
Peace will not come in a day but will come. It is a process. It is work; you will come out on the other side.
I am the proof of that.
I was once asked by one of my sisters how I handled this as well as I did. My answer was simple. I was not going to let them win. That was powerful to me once I recognized
I was going to be the victor. I did not have control over what some one else did however I could control my destiny in this matter.
My soul is peiced back together. It may have scar tissue. My mother used to have a saying, " the wound heals but the scar is always there."
I think that is true in this case.
The scar is a reminder to me of how desperatly I need my Lord in my daily walk through life.
I am humbled by His presence and love in my life.
I can't imagine going through my life without this knowledge.

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