Where is she?

This is Dan, Margie's son, here. Regular readers will no doubt feel a bit jealous as I write this. I am able to keep in touch with my mom every day if I wanted to. Oscar has unlimited long distance from his phone, so all I have to do is make a quick call, and then my mom will call me back, and we can talk for an hour if we want to.

It's been over a month since the last post to this blog, so I thought I'd provide an update to the best of my ability. This means that it's going to be presented in a stream of consciousness, "as-thoughts-present-themselves" fashion.

We in Dayton still miss her terribly; Keisha prays for her Nana almost every day.

Mom and Oscar have been trying to get their computer fixed, virus-free, bug-free, etc. There have been some calls between them and me, them and their DSL provider, and so on. I'm happy to help where I can.

The car they'd been using broke down a few weeks ago. They watch Christian television (TBN?), and they no longer have cable.

Mom is glad that she got refills of her medication before she moved back, and I believe she has an appointment with a clinic next month.

I've become more aware of weather systems moving in and out here in Dayton, and I think of how my mom would be feeling if she'd still be living here. I definitely hope that the climate in Texas is better suited to her fibromyalgia and arthritis.

This morning I mentioned on my blog about encouragement. Mom has been a balcony person to me for as long as I can remember. Even though she's over a thousand miles away now, she still encourages me.

So, I don't know when she'll post here again, but I wanted to provide a brief update. What's new with you?

Oscar is so funny. He is so honest. He had a problem with the computer so his son who is the computer whiz was out here and he was checking the computer. He was having trouble clicking the mouse. He was having to click it really fast and he couldn't do it fast enough. Finally, he noticed that it was set on high. He changed it and got it to work and proceed to diagnose and fix what was wrong. He was telling us about this mouse thing.
Oscar spoke up and said I did it. I figured since I changed to high speed DSL and the computer wasn't working I needed a high speed mouse!
I know you all would get a kick out of that.
Everything here is going well.
My health is good. I've been able to get out and take 4 short walks. The fibromyalgia symptoms are less intense howevder the arthritis in the spine is the same.
Oscar makes sure I take my meds as I am supposed to.
We are both bipolar so it can get interesting.
He is recovering from knee surgery and this morning we took a walk together.
He will still eventually have to have the knee replacement but he wants to hold off as long as he can.
I won't be blogging as much as I was. I'm not on the computer like I was.
I am busy trying to reaquaint with my man and he with me and we stay busy.
We are both rediscovering our spirituality that was somewhat lost without each other.
We really do love each other.
Keep us in your prayers.

Hi eveyone; I made it to Texas. It was kind of an eventful trip. I met some Christian ladies on various parts of the trip.
traveling by Greyhound wasn't the best exprience. Some of the personnel were rude. One driver pretty mich said don't ask him any questions because he wasnt going to answer them.
They lost one box in Louisville; I later in the wek found out it was in Mephis, which wasn't in my iternirary. I haven't been called that it's in Conroe yet.
we were about 45 minutes into Texas and the driver was chased down lights and siren bu DPS and pulled over. Greyhound had her stopped to turn around and go back to pick up 2 pasengers in Texarkana.
That made the whole trip late the rest of the day. I arrived almost 2 hours late.
My fibromyalgia hasn't been as bad so far since I have been here. It is still in the 80's during the day.
Oscar and I are adjusting to each other. He doesn't understand the use of the computer as we use it so I won't be on it as much.
Just wanted to check in and let everyone know I am OK.

Well, this is my last day in Ohio. I leave tomorrow to return to Texas where I spent the majority of my adult life.
I will miss my family here. It has been great to share to their life and to be part of my granddaughter's life. I hope she will remember me and that we will visit regularly.

It was good to see the siblings this summer and to share the time I was able to with my special sister. She came up yesterday with her new daughter, and DJ and Keisha spent the afternoon playing. Only a couple of disagreements; for 6 year old girls that wasn't bad.

My sister really has her hands full with DJ. She came with a lot of emotional baggage from her past. Its sad to think what people will do to children even before birth. My sister is making progress. She has earned her place in heaven. DJ finally calls her Mommy now; that's encouraging. Its really neat how DJ and Keisha hit it off from the instant they met.

I think about returning to Texas and its strange. I will not be returning to the life I left which is liberating. I learned a lot in this time I was away. I discovered that the people I counted as friends were not. And, I had to admit I was a bad judge of character.

I will be renewing my friendship with Oscar, and that I am excited about. He is the one who stayed in touch, encouraged me, kicked me in the behind when I needed it, cried with me, and prayed with me. Its ironic that I had to go away to learn that he was the true friend.

I will be returning to a new place, which is good. No old memories. I will have to start over with health care which is a little daunting. The climate will be better suited for my fibromyalgia. The symptoms will not disappear but may be muted.
I just don't think I could have endured another harsh winter.

So, I'll be in touch when I get settled. keep me in prayer.

I read with great interest the bipolar support blog that is indexed with my blog.
What a terrible turmoil this family faces.
I remember when it all came to a head for me. I had just 3 days prior given my youngest daughter the wedding of her dreams with no help. I had enlisred help but those I asked did not come forward to help. An example was the ceremony was to be at 10:30 AM. At 6 AM I was at the location doing the tasks the groom and his groomsmen were to do the night before.They even spent the night there to get this stuff done and then didn't do it. They decided to get drunk instead.
At 10:10 I was driving back down the street to my condo to get dressed. The mother of the bride wore no makeup or jewelry; did not have a shower and her hair was not fixed.
The father of the bride's " friend " who was also supposed to be my friend was on time and beautifully put together. She was one of the ones I enlisted to help and didn't.
I had her shower of 50+ people in my one bedroom condo 2 days before.We had people stuffed everywhere. Outside up the steps, down the walk,out in the parking lot, etc. She wanted a couples shower and her older sister was supposed to be giving it and all I was supposed to have to do was provide the place. Wrong. The sister didn't even show up until 30 minutes after it was supposed to start and then somehow it was my fault that it fell into disarray.
I gave the rehearsal dinner at a Tex-Mex place we ate at for years. The grooms family was from out of town and suggested I pick a place that could accomodate everyone. There was something for everyone on the menu and there was beer and margaritas for those that wanted alcohol.
We took up the whole back room. I had relatives from out of town come in but barely had time to visit.
The grooms family didn't pay the bill so I did and was glad I could.
When my daughter was getting ready ro say her vows I reached for my husband's hand and he shook it off.
We had been separated but reconciled 4 months before at his request.
Then 3 days after the wedding he informed me he was leaving me for this other woman and had played with me to get through the wedding.
I attempted suicide. I was serious. I was calm. I didn't tell him what I did. I can only remember thinking that I just wanted the pain to stop.
Its kind of comical but I found out when he realized what I had done ( after I went unconscious) he actually got into his car and drove to Walgreens and waited for the pharmacist to help him find syrup of ipetac and then came home and administered it to me.
He was a trained EMT and should have known you don't induce vomiting on an unconscious person. Well, it didn't work and he had to break down and call 911 an hour and 11 minutes after I ingested the pills. He had wanted to avoid that because we were both affiliate with the fire department and he didn't want a " scandal".
After I was moved to the nut house he and the kids and new son-in-law came to see me once and the first thing he said was "did I know it was 55 miles one way to this place"?
I answered him " no, I sure didn't as I was my view was restricted to seeing where I'd been from the back doors of an ambulance however, I was just fine, thank you for asking."
I was such an embarrasment to them. Still am.
So for me to see that Kyle's family supports him is so refreshing.
Actually, at the nut house I met Oscar and we have now lnown each other 4 years. Its been up and down and in between. He saved my life.
I love him in a way I don't love anyway else in the world.
He'll say I'm crazy and I always remind him where he met me. It isn't that I tried to keep it a secret.
That time began the period I call the journey into my new life. I finally was diagnosed correctly. I began a 3 year journey into learning about what wrong meds can do to me and how uncaring some in the mental health profession don't always have our best interest at heart but their own.
I saw my family for who they were and not how I wanted them to be and accepted it.
I accepted all that was wrong with me.
I began to understand me.
I began my road back to sanity.

I haven't been on the " pooter " for awhile. I think I went through a bad flare up. For a few days I thought I had a bad case of the flu until I realized that fibromyalgia is like the flu. Duh.
I hurt from the top of my head to the joints in my toes and literally everywhere in between.
I had the gastrointestintenal stuf; blah, blah, blah.
I read my sister's comment about my nephew going away to war. God, I know how she aches.
It is such a poignant moment for a parent and maybe a mother in particular.
Its ironic. When we were young I tried protecting my siblings from harm however there was no way to prepare her for this.
Its just an anguish each of has to go through ourselves.
There is so much more to write about but I don't have the energy right now.
Thanks for all who have stayed in touch.

Today is the 2 year anniversary of 9/11. It is a day that all Americans will remember the rest of their lives.
We will always remember where we were, what we were doing, who we were with when we found out our way of life had changed forever.
I want to salute every service person who is out there somewhere in the world defending our freedom. I have the utmost gratitude and respect. And, I also wish to salute any service person who has ever worn the uniform to defend our freedom.
What can I say to the countless families whose family member gave the ultimate sacrifice?
It seems so hollow to say I am eternally grateful and humbled by their sacrifice and am in their debt. Thank you.
To my son, PJ, Paul I respect you for your choice and service.
I know only too well what it took to wear that uniform. I will always remember the choices you made along the way from the little boy to the teenager to the young man and the personal growth along the way.
I have loved you since before you were born and have only continued to love you along your journey to becoming a man in the truest sense.
Our relationship hasn't always been easy but its been worth it to me.
You were a gift to me and I treasure every day I am allowed to be your mother.
I have made mistakes but I've always loved you from the deepest part of my heart.
I remember the day you made the commitment to join the Navy and the grueling 2 hour exam I put the recruiter through.
And, I remember 2 years ago today when the reality and significance of YOU wearing the uniform hit me.
I had to go in and wake you up and tell you what was unfolding and that maybe you needed to call the recruiter to see if this meant you were going to have to leave sooner than planned.
As your MOm I wanted to take in my room and hide and keep you safe. As an American I knew I had to let you go.
The last time I saw you you were leaving to join your ship off of Afganistan.
Standing in the driveway as we were saying goodbye I put you in God's hands one more time and haven't looked back.
And God rewarded me by placing you on ship with one of the suppliers to Marisabel's son who was in communications and I got to keep up with what was going on every week.
That was a true blessing.
I am so proud of you son. I am proud of all the accomplishments you have made to get where you are today.
We will never see eye to eye to on certain things and I will piss you off the rest of your life and I will wish you communicated with me more and that is just how it is.
We have always had that kind of relationship so there is no sense wishing it were different
because you are you and I am me.
I appreciate that you are you.
Just know that today I am thinking of you as I do everday and include you in my prayers.
I salute you.

I just finished another book that I thought was very funny.
The name of it is The Second Coming of Lucy Hatch by Marsha Moyer.
She is a Texas writer and this is her first book. Even the spelling of Marsha is kinda Texan.
Having lived in East Texas for 22 years I could identify with this character and some of her escapades.
Basically, the main character suddenly becomes a widow at 33 years old having been a farmer's wife for 14 years. She moves back home and within a short time " circumstances " have her meeting up with a cowboy/ singer/handyman who changes her life.
There are some really funny moments like in Chapter 8 where she and this character have a conversation about " Jesus, the middle years ".
If you have any kind of sense of humor you will find this part so funny. There are so many other moments too.
I look forward to reading any other books she will produce in the future.
I could picture this as a Lifetime movie with Leslie Anne Warren cast as Lucy.
Or in the old days it would have been Dolly Parton and Burt reynolds.

Yesterday, I had the uncanniest thing happen. I was watching a show on PBS about railroads ( I think I was a conductor in another lifetime! ). It was showing the impact the railroads had on the WW11 effort. There was some footage of 3 sailors outside a railcar and one was on the top step smoking a cigarette.
It was more or less a side profile but did show part of his face. I would swear it was my Dad. Do you know how weird that was?
It looked just like he did in his Navy picture. I wasn't born then and by the time I was born and have recollection of him he already had put on a considerable amount of weight.
I never knew him as a thin man. I never saw him thin until he was in his casket. No one had warned me as to how much weight he had lost.
My Dad always looked like he was 9 months pregnant with quintuplets. There was barely enough room for him to sit in his seat and drive; the steering wheel would rub his belly. And it was hard as a rock.
He will be gone 10 years in January.
Seeing that footage for those seconds just brought back so many memories.
How many of us watch these old documentaries and see the people in them but don't associate them with other people?
I remember hearing a lot of the famous photos from the war and after the people were never identified. No one knew the pictures would end up as being historic.
Now I have a son in the Navy. My Dad's profession was a firefighter. My son wants to be a firefighter when he gets out.
He is skinny as a rail. When he got out of basic training he had " bulked up" from 119 lbs to 131!!
I haven't seen him since a year last June so he may have put on a little more. He will be 23 in November.
Of course with the world situation I worry about his welfare but also have put him in God's hands and trust in that.
He serves on the JFK, an aircraft carrier.
As we tell Keisha its a really big boat.
Speaking of JFK I was reading in the online Houston Chronicle that there is going to be another book out about Jackie Kennedy. This one is going to deal with her depression after the assassination. At first I was surprised to learn that she suffered from depression because my image of her from that time period was from the perspective of a 12 year old girl watching this tremendously courageous and stoic mother and wife go through her grief as an example to the country.
She became the benchmark my Dad would always use to rein in our emotions after that. " Be like the Kennedy's".
Now, suffering from my own depressive issues Why am I surprised to learn she suffered from depression?
I would be more concerned had she not.
It reminds me of when I ended up in the nut house after my suicide attempt before being diagnosed as bipolar. All the professionals said to me, " we aren't surprised you are here. What we are surprised at is what took you so long"?
I could well identify with the charecteristics that were given in this article.
I am so grateful that someone has decided to publish her account so more attention will be given to the subject.
I've always said, " until people like me try to educate people like them society will always look at mental illness as it does".

There won't be a lot today. My back is still not feeling too good.
Today is my oldest niece's birthday. I was 9 years old when she was born. She was a cutie. She was way overdue as were all my sister's kids.
After she came home from the hospital my brother-in-law wanted to go fishing and my sister went with him and I babysat. They lived about 8 blocks from my Mom's house.
I remember changing Laura's diaper and realizing she was peeling all over and thinking she was dying. I panicked and grabbed her up and ran across the street through some woods and through a park to my Mom's house screaming " I've killed her".
That's when my Mom somewhat explained about overdue babies peeling.
I thought for sure I had killed that baby. I wouldn't let her out of my sight. I still picture it plain as can be.
Back then one didn't use the word " pregnant". Patsy was always "expecting " something. Every year she was expecting.
It wasn't until I was having Dan that I finally figured out what it was she was expecting all those years.
She had 7 kids in I think it was 9-10 years. She eventually had the 8th when she was 40. My sister has always been a little eccentric but I love her dearly all the same.
When I saw her this summer I was surprised at good she looked. I never knew her to look so slim. She and I look similar so maybe there is hope for me when I get into my 60's!!
She has done remarkably well with her life and it wasn't easy. She had a lot of hardships along the way; the main one being an alcoholic, abusivise husband.
When I read Angela's Ashes I thought a lot of my sister and her life. It wasn't exactly the same but similar in a lot of degrees.
She really suffered in many ways.
She would probably think it amazing that I look up to her but I do.

Jennie passed her STNA exam this past week. We are very proud of her. By the way it stands for State Tested Nursing Assistant.
She got a 92. She finished it in half the alloted time.

I heard from my youngest daughter this past week. Those of you who wonder if prayer works don't ever doubt it.
I have waited a year to hear anything from her.
She says we will never be what we once were but as an adult she wants to move on.
Glory to God.
I would send her E-mails and E-cards frequently and let her know I was thinking of her.
Now, I pray for her salvation. That is the true gift.
She is such a joy. I wish all of you could see her smile. She was born with it.
So, never give up.

I had the appointment with the pain doc. He assessed that I did have fibromyalgia; also spurs on my vertebrea on my spine and something going on with the sychiatic (sp?). He precribed pain patches - 3 to be worn 12 hours a day, a newer muscle relaxer and an older anti-depressant that helps with pain manegement. I then had to go back in Thursday for a shot in my lower spine.
That was painful.
They have to numb the area first which gives you a heads up of what is coming. They are using some kind of X-ray equipment as they are going along. He knows when he hits the right spot because it is very painful. I don't know what the point of numbing you first is. It felt like the size of my fist clenching and on fire and you are supposed to be as calm as you can.
He said I did good.
The site still hurts today. I was told it can get worse before it gets better. I am not complaining just trying to be accurate.
I may not continue with the anti-depressant because I am way too groggy. It is a feeling of being on Valium.
I do not like the heavily sedated feeling some of these meds give me.
I go back in 3 weeks for a follow up visit and we will see if I need another shot.
If these methods do not work there is an alternative; they can cut the nerve endings so I don't feel anything. It is drastic but I may have to do it.

The house sold so we will be moving. I feel bad because in my present state I won't be a lot of help. Maybe by then I will feel a little better and can do more.
I have spent pretty much time since Thursday in bed. I hate being useless.
Its hard when you were the one who was the go-getter person. Inside me I still want to be that person. I've had to recognize I may never be her again and make the adjustments.

I'm back!
We haven't been to the library for awhile so i haven't been on the computer for awhile.
Thanks for the messages from my buddies about the biopsy. I still haven't heard back yet. I hope to know later this week.
I go to the pain specialist for the first time today finally. dan is taking me. They say I have to bring someone with me; I don't know what that means as far as treatments but it sounds a little foreboding.
I don't care; I just want some relief. I cannot even remember a pain free day. I can remember even being a kid and experiencing pain as early as 7-8 years old.
I am 51 today; that's a long time to feel this way.
I don't make a big deal of my birthday.
When I was growing up my Dad would tell the story every year of my birth.
I always called it " the gospel of my birth according to St. Charles."
those who grew up Catholic will understand my sardonic humor in that.
Short version- I was premature; they think maybe a month. I had my fingernails and toenails so maybe I was 8 months.
My Dad was a firefighter. My Mom went into labor late at night and to call my Dad home from the firehouse. He didn't own a car and there were no buses running of course so he had to borrrow a car to come get her.
When they got to the hospital the doors were locked. The nurse that had to let them in hollered at my Mom for " waiting until the last minute" and that upset her. (You didn't upset my Mom)
I required a pediatrician which they hadn't planned on. The expense was great for them.
I had to baptized quickly because they thought I might die.
at 3 days old they had left me with my mother and she had fallen asleep and I had turned blue when they found me. I had to be resucitated. That scared the hell out of both of them.
My mother's first baby was stillborn and even though she had 9 live births following that she never got over the loss.
I'm quite sure The experience with me recalled all that emotion. However, in our family it was never discussed. ( It might upset my Mom )
They said I could fit in a shoe box but I don't know what size shoe.
My grandmother had to knit me clothes because regular baby clothes were too big.
And I was born on the first day of school that year so my oldest sister had to get the siblings ready for school as well as herself.
She was 11 years older than me. I always looked up to her and regretted my whole life we only had a small period of time that we actually got to share being sisters.
She is still alive. My family is such that we aren't close; not by a long shot.
Anyway, The story was always told in such a way that I was reminded as to what an inconvenience I was.
My one brother told me once when it was announced that I was on the way " it meant more of nothing". That was the sentiment.
So My birthday always signified the reminder of my inconvenience; the end of summer; school starting; fall coming and cold weather and hurting.
I hate to sound so whiny and bleak.
I turned it all around for my kids and tried to celebrate the joy of them being a gift to me.
I hope they all know how precious they are to me.
Had I not had the life I did I might not have appreciated them for who they are.
So all things seem to come full circle don't they?

We are supposed to pick up the The PC from the Computer Doctor today so I hope to be able to write more in the future.

Monday was my second biopsy. It was done with more sophisticated equipment than the first time and in attendance were the gyn and an intern, two residents and a nurse. I told them that there was a little more room left maybe they could go find a couple more people to bring in.
I understand its a teaching hospital but could they at least ask if its ok to bring the staff in?
I will know the results of this one in a week to ten days.

If this one comes back abnormal as well then the next step is to take tissue approximately 4 inches wide and two inches long and as deep as needed of each spot.
Then after that it would be a total hysterectomy.

Dr. Wilson said I have artritis in my spine as well as the fibromyalgia.
We finally found a pain clinic that will work with my insurance and I made an appointment today for next Tuesday.
I was supposed to go online to fill out some forms but can't get their site to come up. I am probably doing something wrong.
I'll have to call when I get home.
At least I will be on the path to getting some kind of help in some fashion because I sure have been miserable.
I hate complaining and I know there are people who are worse off than me.
The weather has been crazy this summer.
Today its stormy so I am really feeling it.
The PC still isn't fixed so Dan and I are at the library.
Thank God for the library.
I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have access to the books and now the computer.
We have a lot to be thankful for.
It is 11:45AM and its pitch black out. Of course, the car is parked around the corner.
Isn't that always the way? Do you think either of us brought an umbrella? of couse not. However, as the wind is blowing so hard it really wouldn't have been much use.
And so it goes.

Don't have a lot of time today. Dan and I are at the library and they close in about 10 minutes.
Dan finally got full time hours.
Last week he was sharing with me that he was getting discouraged because his hours were being cut and he was witnessing some things that were shall we call " shady".
The hotel had recently hired a new executive chef that was over the bar operations as well. I suggested he might want to share some of his concerns with the chef in confidence. So he did. And, when he went to work last night he had a full week scheduled and the one guy who was one of the shady people wasn't even on the schedule.
Today, while the bar was slow the chef entrusted Dan with some of the administrative work of running the bar.
He is so happy doing this work.
I am happy for him. He was able to choose this work for himself based on his own personality and needs and not based on what someone else thought he should do.
I always told my kids I didn't care if they were a ditch digger or a garbage collector, be the best you can be and be happy at it.
So that is about it for today.
By the way, I'm happy and proud of you son!

Hi everybody! I am at the library again racing against time.
I have been a real bipolar lately. The good thing is I know the signs now.
I haven't taken all my meds this week as prescribed because I am so sick of just feeling drugged up.
I take them; just not all as prescribed. Bad, bad, bad.
I have had a lot of anxiety worrying about the damn bioposy and then when will I get the results and when will the next appointment be, etc. I know we all spend time waiting but it isn't right.
meanwhile, they go out for their coctails after work until rush hour is died down; and have softball on Tuesday night, etc. while our lives are held in suspension.

I am just having a bad week I guess.
Oh ye of little faith right now, I suppose.

I was reading Kyle's parents reports of his progress or it may seem to some lack of it. I can really identify with him.
I need organization in my life. If things seem too chatic it is like I just can't process it all.
However, Kyle is of age and has to start establishing his own routines and becoming resposible for his progress or lack thereof, I think.
As far as the military idea, it may be a moot point because if he has a diagnosed mental illness he is probably disqualified.
He will probably be angry to learn this but life isn't always fair. He has to learn this lesson and it really is unfair to those of us with mental illness, I'm afraid. He could channel some of that anger into changing laws or becoming an advocate but I don't think he is far enough along yet.

I wish I could communicate with him. He is so blessed to have a family that suports and loves him just because he is Kyle.
I would love to let him know he isn't alone.
We could share stories of some of the misadventures we have been on.

Being bipolar has its moments. You do some real crazy stuff that makes perfect sense to you at the time. Its only later when you are medicated that you can look back and laugh at yourself.

I heard once that the real definition of insanity was continuing to do the same thing expecting the same results.
I think that sums it up.

Dan and I are at the library. We are next to each other but not at the same table which is good. We would probably get in trouble.
The pooter is still sick. I think it died a slow, painful, horrible death that went undiagnosed for awhile.
By the time it was discovered it was too late to fix it.
I'll be glad when we can use the one at home. I hate this time limit thing and the idea that other people can look over your shoulder and watch what you are doing.

I was contacted by the author of " Forgiving Sam". You may remember I commented on it awhile back. It was the book about a boy who wa kidnapped and abused and it told the effects of that abuse on his life and his recollection of it .
It was very provacative. as someone who lived through abuse as a child I found it to be somewhat unnerving at times yet I wanted to continue to see how she unraveled the story. I felt she did justice to the character. she is now creating two more books that will come out in the future. I let you all know as I know.

Keisha is at the stage where she is learning about friendships. You know the one.
It starts when you are 6 and stops when you are somewhere between 45-50!
By that time you don't care anymore what people think!
She rolls her eyes back and does that " oh well; whatever" thing and thinks she is so sophisticated and all that. And I think she thinks she and the girls at school are the ones who discovered this!! Its kind of funny to watch except she gets into trouble.
I hate to see her get into trouble but Dan and Jennie are really good about discipline and bringing Christianity into play with it.
I did my week with that Christian dating service. Of course some of that wek was during the computer down time. I didn't like that it was regional instead of local.
I live in Ohio and I was given men to contact as far away as Minnesota and Kansas.
The secular ones at least keep it local. It was a higher charge also but that wouldn't have been as much as a concern. Christians will pay for something if they feel they get what thay should, right?
So, I am looking into another one. My quest continues.

Hi everybody! I am at the library with not a lot of time to spare. They keep you on a stopwatch here. The computer at home crashed. Pray that it isn't somethingsomething serious as we are without funds to get it fixed or to buy a new one and Dan hasn't saved the info all along on disks as he should have. What can I say;my ADD child with hisADD MOM!
All my single friends will be getting a notice fromChristian Cafe.com it is a Christian dting service I have checked outthis week. It is safe and appeals to the least and most serious Christian and is worlwide.
I do recommend those of you to take a look at it.You have to be single to join although you get a free week to just browse and see what you think.
They don't allow any profanity or such.

On another note Keisha has run the gamut of emotions this week.
She has been grumpy and just delightful.She was so funny and precious Monday. Jennie, she and I went to Dan's new job and she said the prayer before we ate.
" Dear God, Thank you for this food and my Daddy. God, I am so proud of my Daddy and he is so special.In Jesus name I pray. Amen."
How could that not touch the heart of God?

Dan and I have gotten into an Irish kick in our reading. He is reading Angela's Ashes which I read a couple of month's ago. I just got " 'Tis" from the library and also have gotten into some Nora Roberts books based in Ireland. I find meself reeding in the brougue a wee bit ya know!!
I have a bit of the Irish in me and always have had a fascination with the Isle all my life.
I had a friend in Texas who wasfrom there and we were supposed to make a trip back sometime. My friend Orla. She was one of 22 kids. I was able to meet some of them What a hoot. I loved to hear the language and they had English and Scottish friends over all the time. She worked in a lace called " Molly's Pub" owned by an Irishman. So it was authentic including the barbs!

Anyway, got to go. Pray for us and God Bless.

Yesterday, Jennie, Keisha and I were in the car on our way to an outing and out of nowhere Keisha pipes up with " I'm scared to have a baby". Jennie looked at me and I looked at her like where did this come from?
So Jennie started talking to her and then she says, " No, I want my Nana to talk to me". So I saidok and she asked me if it would hurt to have a baby. I thought for a couple of seconds, I'm having a birds and bees talk with my 6 year old grand daughter so I got to get this right.
I answered her" Well Keisha, I wa going to tell you no it didn't hurt but that would be a lie and I never lied to my kids so I'm not going to lie to you. Yes it hurts but its also exciting and you are happy when you are having a baby.
She asked if I hurt when I had her Daddy. So I said yes a little bit; which was the truth. My labor with him was the easiest one I had. Then I said but I was so excited Keisha. I was wondering what my baby was going to be; if was going to be a girl or boy. I wondered what color hair it would have; if it would have a lot of hair or just a little bit. I wondered who it might look like. I wondered what his or her name would be.
She was quiet for a little while. Then she said again, I'm still scared. So Jennie said " well you don't have to think about it now because you are only six and you need to think about things 6 year old girls do.
She said she was scared because the doctor would have to cut your stomach open. Jennie had a ceasearean section with Keisha.
I told her not all the time did the doctor have to do it that way but when she was going to have a baby the doctor would know exactly the right way for her to have her baby. She wanted to know if she could go to sleep for it so I told her that would be one way.
Jennie needed to stop at Walgreen's and pick up a few things and while we were in waiting she started up again.
I decided to try a different method.
I told her there were so many things she needed to do before she could have a baby.
She had to go to college and get her job. She had to have a husband and go on at least two vacations without her Mom and Dad. She had to be able to eat spicy food. She had to be big enough to drive and own a car. She had to be able to drink beer and like it.
She had to be able to get a shot and not cry. She wanted to know if her husband would her hand and i said that would be oK.
I said she would have to have her own house. Dan added after we got home that she would have to get her hair washed without crying!
And then I told her couldn't even have a baby when she was 6. I told her God would know when it was the right time and He would help her know. Then she seemed satisfied. Whew!!!
She is in a stage that since she turned 6 she is big now and all the big girl things are supposed to be happening to her. I keep telling her she is bigger but she is not big.
Last night she told me " Nana, you're the best". I said to her " Thank you Keisha. I think that is the nicest thing someone has said to me in a long time. And you're the best too." She said " I'm the best artist ".
Grandkids are so much fun.

I made a mistake in the previous post. That is why I stopped. I needed to look something up before I went on. I don't have human pappillomavirus; that is one of the things they checked for. I forget what the other two things are.
Good news is the doc just spent a month in rheumatology rotation and is going to be in dermatatology rotation for August.
I thought Rheumatology was August. I have some moles that need to be looked at so she will come in handy for that too.
She also is going to start prescribing my pschychiatric meds.
She is a cool doc. She takes her time and doesn't mind if you ask questions. She encourages the patient to be part of the health care team.
And, if she isn't confident about something she will go get another doc to come in and give an opinion.
I feel very secure with her.
If she recommends something I feel I can trust her judgement that it is necessary and she can trust me that I do not ask for narcotics or am a cry baby.
Its nice to have that kind of working relationship with a doctor.