Monday, May 12, 2003

We are all fighting allergies or something here.We've had a lotof rain last week and high winds through the weekend and today.
A book I want to reccomend to Adult Survivors is " The Wounded Heart " by Dan Allender.
It has helped me a lot to better understand this issue and gives encouragement to Survivors. In one chapter he tells of having to counsel someone and through this particular case he discovered he too was a victim. It was not an outwardly overt act commited on him so he never made the association.
It changed his whole counseling methods, etc.
There are some who will say, let the past be in the past.
Oh, if it were so easy. All of us or at least most of us will agree that we did forget for a period of time and then something or someone acted as a catylist to remember.There were 2 events that stand out for me.
#1- I was grocery shopping and I reached for a box of jello and out of nowhere a memory came back to me. I put it aside because it was too terrible to think about.
# 2- About 2 years later one of my sisters was visiting with me and mentioned to me she believed she had been molested by a specific family member. I almost dropped what was in my hand. It was the same person I had the memory of 2 years previous. I never told anyone of that experience.
So, the mind allows us to forget until its ready to deal with it and then its in bits and pieces.
Does a holacaust survivor forget what happened to them? Does a soldier ever forget what he saw or had to do in combat? Does any crime victim forget what happened to them?
I related to someone that 21 years ago we were involved in a near fatal car crash where someone had crossed the center line. It was rainy and a sharp curve in the road.
I was hurt the most.For a year I could not drive that strech of road and after that if it ws raining I wouldn't go near it.It was a couple of years until I faced that fear and forced myself to do it. I also began to be proactive and helped the county see that it needed to be widened and the severity of the curve needed to change.
I am now more of a " get in your face " person over issues that are important to me.
When I was first diagnosed bipolar my family didn't want me talk about it. Like it was going to go away if we ignored it. It had always been there, we just didn't know it.
I disagreed with my family. Until people like me attempt to educate people like you mental illnes will always have the stigma that it does.
Some of my children ostracised ( sp) me because of it. They never wanted to be educated about the illness. What they failed to realize is it is genetic so any/all of them may have inherited the gene. So there is anotherexample of "not thinking about it " while it does exist.
I have an odd sense of humor. Friend will say "you're crazy". I always answer " you bet and I have papers to prove it!".
I poke fun at myself all the time. I can look back and remember manic times and laugh at myself. I did some real crazy things thinking at the time it made perfect sense.
I'd buy $ 300.00 of food and not pay the light bill. My brain was not functioning as it was supposed to. It didn't make the connection that if I didn't pay the light bill and the electric was shut off then everthing in the fridge and both freezers was going to spoil and the stove wouldn't work so how was I going to cook the food in the first place?
There are some other crazy stories.
Did you know you can drive a car with a flat for 15 miles if you think Satan has contol over your car? Just put it on cruise control and pray the whole time.!!
Did you know you can drive an old VW bug about 50 miles on fire because you don't have any money on you to get home.My goal was to get as close to home as possible because I would have to walk the rest of the way. I got it home and parked. I walked in the house and told my husband at the time he may want to go check the car as it had been on fire for awhile.!!
Yes, that is why I named this Me, Myself and I and my E-mail address is crazymaggiemay. I have many facets to myself.
My first husband constanly told me I had a split personality. One day I decided not to fight him about this anymore and go along with it.I named the other one Nora. So if I did something he didn't like I just look at him and say I don't know what you are talking about. Maybe Nora did it. He would get so infuriated.
So, that's it for now. I may come back latr in the day. Or, maybe it will be Nora!

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